The OkCupid Challenge

Throughout April and May I will be hosting "The OkCupid Challenge", a special competition that encourages my friends to to help me find dates online. I've decided that I need creative ways of asking for help in finding me a boyfriend because YES, I AM THAT LONELY. And also, that's what friends are for.

Here's the skinny:

• Every two weeks, a new friend will redo my OkCupid profile to their liking, with the hopes that the profile they build gets me a high number of responses and (fingers crossed) in-person dates. 
• The creator of the profile that receives the highest number of responses will receive a free dinner to any place of their choosing.
• Any creator of any profile that lands me in person dates will receive special prizes to be announced.
• Lies and misleading information about me (or what I look like) is not allowed.

The challenge starts tomorrow! And I already have a full schedule through the end of May. :)

I've decided to use my blog to chronicle as much of this experience as possible. I've created a separate tab for this challenge that you can check out as you like. 

I will share highlights from each competitors' choice in profile, the down-low on responses I receive, and any dates that I go on.

Let the games begin! 

2012: A Time Odssey

2012 Remembered: A Time Odyssey

Lately, I'd been feeling like 2012 had been a really rough year for me. But on a drive back from Houston after new years, I found myself reminiscing with friends about our favorite moments of 2012. This ended up being a very important conversation and experience, in discovering how easy it can be to get wrapped up in the crap instead of in the treasures.

So this is my personal reflection of all of the really great things that happened this year, and my collective high fives and hugs to everyone who made it possible.

Here were some really awesome moments:

1. My trip to Chicago to meet up with John Crouse VII. Elevator rides, museum adventures, the sweaty underground dance club where we dropped some mad skills, trying to park during a Cubs game, and frolicking around town with his friends. It was such a blast.


2. The adventures of Seven's Sister Wives---Amy Doozles Spencer came back from her summer away from Austin and John Crouse VII and Jorge Antonio Muñoz ended up being the only dudes there. I think it was my fault for inviting men to ladies' night! Anyway, it was a seriously fun time of pretending Seven lived a polygamist lifestyle, dancing super hard at the clurb, and a memorable collection of photos. 

3. That night that Leah Sutton and Amanda Cooper came over to our house for the first time, which also happened to be one of Cam's first nights as our roommate. So many things were happening at once! Paloma was cutting Daniel Smith's hair, we were making up ridiculous Spanish songs, we put on hand tattoos and then ended our night eating free nachos at Bingo.


4. Our 4th of July Backyard Gladiators party that basically turned into an adult fraternity party. This party had everything: outdoor games, every blow up pool and toy imaginable (so much so that I broke  my air compressor), the most enthusiastic living room dance-a-long to Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There?", our first time playing Cards Against Humanity (complete with major laughing fits), and a night time outdoor viewing of Independence Day.


5. The return to National Karaoke League! I had such a blast introducing a bunch of new people to the league, reconnecting with various folks from different parts of my life, performing again, and learning to sing my heart out with a brace face! People can do some creative things with props--I saw the most amazing shopping cart performance, cardboard boxes made into every imaginable item, and kept on top of world news through teams' skits. The league actually made me more intelligent, so thank you.


6. Murder Mystery on the Sea Cruise--someone died, everyone had to solve the murder. People brought the most delicious dishes...now I KNOW they can cook and I never let them off the hook for future events. :)  We broke in Paul and Diana's brand new beautiful house, two people made "more than friends" connection, I got to wear a mustache and captain's hat...it was a win-win-win situation all around.


7. Anthony and Natalie's Landscape Makeover TV Show filming--it was such a cool experience to see how makeover shows are filmed and to help my brother and sister-in-law receive a totally new front-yard. So many friends and family came out to help make it happen. Plus, there was tons of yummy free food all day and I learned how to paint a house!

8. This one night that my brother Matt and I were coming home from the bars and we were loudly singing along to "I'm Like a Bird". When it got to the woo-woo-woo-woo-woos, my brother hit them right on target...and I just about died laughing. It was a simple joy in life, riding home with my bro and enjoying a sing-a-long together.

9. My experience with Mortified. It was a cathartic process for me and I learned so much about my younger self and my life journey. Reading my teenage writing to a large audience took a lot more courage than I thought it would, but those nights were probably the most I laughed all year because we all share the painful awareness of how awkward and  challenging growing up is.

10. Lunches with the boys. Dustin, Steed, and Josh and "sometimes Stephen" are my most favorite lunch buddies....and  I look forward to anytime we can get together (in any combination) and talk about everything silly and serious.

11. Not one, but TWO themed pub crawls hosted by Paloma--dressing up like Bill Murray in "What About Bob?" AND taking body shots in said costume, was one of the best moments of 2012 for me personally. But a close second was the SNL pub crawl, full of some of my favorite characters, climbing trees, falling over, and acting rowdy.

12. Learning how to play Settlers of Catan with Alejos, Adrian and Tim while I was in Lubbock. Who knew trading ore, wheat, sheep and brick could be so much fun!

13. Party Bus for Maria and Adrienne's birthday. I am STILL recovering from all of the fun. 

14. The New Year's Eve Wizard's Ball in Houston--anytime I can dress up like my magical alter-ego(s), I am a happy girl. And anywhere there are wizards, I am totally there. It was the perfect way to spend New Year's, away from my city and completely focused on being with some of my favorite people. Plus, I did get to visit a rather magical wizard's portal that night. ;)

This is a poem about holding hands,

and how it inevitably changes everything

About how the moment you feel someone's fingers,

Curled in yours,

You are home, intertwined.

There are no more lines of this poem left to describe,

What happens when you let go.

1/25/12

MA

Outside, at a Party

He looks her in the face

(A face dewey from the mist outside)

And tells her,

"I don't love you."

But she persists,

With batting eyelashes

(Flitting with nervousness and hope)

And proudly rebuffs,

"I don't believe you."

And so they stand there,

In total silence

(The kind of silence that is brief and yet lasts forever)

And he knows she is right.

And she knows now she must leave him.

But neither can begin to end it.

So they quiet their heart's desires,

Outside, at a party

And simply say "Goodnight" instead.

-3/28/12

MA

Awake & Asleep

Here are three songs that are currently keeping my heart awake at night, and a reason to sleep to dream.

"I get so haunted, I fall in your dreams tonight
I get so haunted, That I misunderstood tonight
This is real, this is what you search out
And you wouldn't believe, you could never say it's true."

"Blow by blowI didn't see it comingBlow by blowSucker Punched
Rushes inHere to stayRushes inYou are here to stay"


"Might be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose"
http://youtu.be/T9yGcKlYAiw

And So It Is So

And so it is

So-

I cannot live without:

music, trees, love

You, so

I

will give you time to decide:

this, that, us-

A song with a bridge

Or a song only with chorus

One great weeping willow

Or a large redwood forest

And so that is

So-

I am standing here:

notes, branches, heart

You, so

We

will fall asleep separate, together, in love.

1/24/12

Things Change Over Time

Things change over time. The way a moment felt can take many shapes and forms as it settles in your memory. I experienced this chapter of my life in stages: excitement, disappointment, anger, understanding. But there will always be a certain nostalgia about what this person and the moment taught me from a "bigger picture" perspective. I enjoyed reading the two different ways I told this story, from my memory's own record.

For the Record ("For the Future")

Fleetwood Mac, Tom Petty;

You sang along softly in my ear

Displayed record collection, misplaced feelings;

I melted on your ugly green couch.

Wine filled mind, emptied hearts;

I will always feel this moment,

Solitarily, inevitably stoned.

-MA

6/11/12

For the Record

I melted on your ugly plaid couch,

With a wine filled mind and an emptied out heart.

I’m not trying to sound like I am holding on

To the past,

Here.

You let me play Fleetwood Mac,

For the first time in years, truth was in the music

I’m merely mentioning what is fact,

Not exaggerated,

After.

I danced with you in your living room,

Among your impressive displayed record collection and misplaced feelings

I’m just writing this all down,

As a reminder,

For the future.

8/21/11

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, The Finale

I took way too long to write this whole story. So much, that even I have begun to lose interest. I apologize for those you of who have been hanging on the edge of your seats like you're waiting for the next episode of "Glee".

Let's see if I can still capture the magic of the day when I actually saw Ryan Gosling.

Due to the kindness of my friends and family, Paloma and Abbie were both able to join me at Fun Fun Fun this last day of the festival.

We met up and headed over to watch "Mates of State", a band that is sentimental to me and one that I have had the pleasure of seeing perform for many many years. The need to hunt down the Gosling was less important that enjoying Mates of State and being in the moment.

So what should happen next? Ryan Gosling and the film crew appear on the stage next to Mates of State. This is where I majorly freak out and ditch everyone.

I was able to catch a few awesome shots of Ryan on stage, including a photo of him actually looking at me/my camera.

I mean I told everyone he looked at me, it doesn't matter if he really did or not, right?

But was that enough to settle me and bring closure to my mission? It's just like french fries. I get greedy. I want them all.

So this is where I walk backstage, run into my friends Dagny and Jaime, who encourage me to hang out back there until Ryan comes down at which point Dagny will ask him to take a picture with me. She's got a professional camera on her and looks legit, so I feel like my chances are pretty high.

He's walking off the stage, towards us....

Inside, I'm squealing like a schoolgirl and also secretly flipping my shit....what if he actually touches me? What we talk to each other? I feel like my head and heart my explode. I haven't been this nervous since my first kiss.

But within seconds, the movie crew has encircled him and he's on a golf cart with his head down and turned away from everyone. Dagny does not give up....she can do that cause she is gorgeous and has legs for days. But when she asks if he'll take a photo with me, he simply shakes his head no, without even looking up at me. I mean if he saw me, he'd obviously not turn me down, right? I kind of die a little inside. I look at him sitting there, head hanging down, and he honestly looks exhausted. I'll give him that. I went to a dark, stalkerish place and needed to get myself back again. I'll give myself that.

So I decide to go on with my day. I enjoyed FFF Fest with my friends and ended up having the most AMAZING time WITHOUT Ryan Gosling on my mind. I realize that the adventure is what swept me off my feet and not so much needing anything in particular to happen. I've got my handful of Ryan photos, I stood THISCLOSE to him, and he waved to me and my friends at one point (oops, I realized I forgot to mention that.)

The BEST part is that I was able to go to FFF Fest for free, bring along several of my best friends and hang out with a group of my favorite people. We spent some quality time together, I discovered new music, it rained (hell yeah!) and we laughed so hard we cried.



At the end of the night, I decided to take advantage of my backstage access one last time, and who should I happen upon but Ryan Gosling. Literally standing across from me. I watch him quickly walk back on the stage and stands in a corner. When he thinks no one is watching, he takes off his shirt and puts a new one on. What no one realizes is that I am watching...in my own dark corner. But instead of taking advantage of a photo opp, I think, "I can't wait until he leaves Austin." I smile and walk to my car and get the f*&k out of there.

And this concludes the time I flipped my shtuff over Ryan Gosling.

When I first imagined experiencing my 30 favorite things for my 30th birthday, I never imagined that something like could happen to me. But the universe has been kind and I forever grateful.

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 2

...and the story continues....

On Saturday, my roommate and went to S Congress, half-hoping that we might spot the Gosling. While we were there, my brother and sister-in-law happened to call and offer me their Fun Fun Fun wristbands for the rest of the weekend. It seemed too good to be true! We were in the festival!

We picked up our wristbands and headed over to the festival grounds, imagining what we would possibly do or say if he saw him. It was becoming more and more of a reality, particularly with our friend Stephen texting us updates on where Ryan was at the festival.

However, it became clear quickly that we needed backstage access to get anywhere close to him and since we didn't have that, we sent Stephen and a very inebriated Zac to go take a photo, get an autograph, or ANYTHING and then report back to us! After waiting on them for quite some time, we had to take off to meet our ride.

Later, we met up with Stephen and some other friends and while we were out I heard that he might be out downtown, so we hurried to head out to find him. Turns out....people were already starting to use the Gosling frenzy to their advantage by posting fake updates just to mess with people like us.

It was obvious that most of the guys in Austin were NOT stoked about the fact that Ryan Gosling was in town, messing up their mojo and making all the women crazy. Many dudes I talked to seemed surprised, feeling like the Ryan Gosling fantasy for women came out of nowhere. Unfortunately for them, they just never thought to ask or pay attention to it, thinking they were safe from him ever actually invading their city. I think that if most men were listening, they would hear plenty of women (particularly in my circle) fawn over Ryan. But it seems only natural that some guys would feel jealous and their manhood threatened by having to listen to 80% of the females in Austin going gaga over the Gosling. And some couldn't care less at all, so I was not surprised to discover a lot of poutiness and jokery abound.

But like we cared what they thought. The fact is, Ryan Gosling is hot, talented, and charming. Any man can argue that with me as much as they want, but they cannot win. And it feels nice to have your heart race every once in awhile with excitement at meeting someone you swoon over, since no other man is currently providing me that opportunity or even TRYING in the least bit.

But as it turns out, the universe was feeling very giving towards me for my birthday month. (THANK GOD, because I feel like I really do deserve it. ) The same night, I'm contacted by my friend Jacob who is performing at Fun Fun Fun and he offers to give us backstage passes!

So at this point, we know a few things:

1.) I've officially become a stalker.
2.) My celebrity obsession has taken over any semblance of my normal self.
3.) We will almost DEFINITELY see Ryan Gosling tomorrow.

I'll tell you all about the glorious day in my next post! :)

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 1

So I would just like to openly admit that I have the crazies for Ryan Gosling. However, I did not realize just how psychotic my obsession was until this weekend, when my friends began to text me pictures of him at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin.

When I first got these messages, my heart literally raced and then immediately sank. Ryan Gosling was at Fun Fun Fun Fest, where all of my friends were and I was NOT. So my roommate and I decided our first strategy was to try and solicit insider information from our friends who were there by offering favors and first born children.

At this point, my sister-in-law shared a link to a certain blog that was actually tracking pictures of Ryan at the festival. Yes, it only took a few hours for someone to create this, a tool that fueled our fire for finding him before the weekend was over.

www.ryangoslingatfunfunfunfest.tumblr.com

I began to realize that this was only the beginning of an entire population of women in Austin freaking out over the arrival of this dreamboat in our city. I was seething with envy over the other pictures of other girls taking photos with him and posting it on this website for everyone to see. It was just one more blow to the fact that he was in the presence of my city and yet seemed so far away.....

So I continued with my Friday night plans to have a slumber party, where we played board games to get our minds off of our insanity. But it wasn't long before we were watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and mapping out a plan for the next day.

It was now officially a mission.

To be continued........

She Came From the Wasteland

She came from the wasteland,

And she was dirty and poor,
begging for a glass of water

And was tightly hugging your heels,
kissing your calves, asking for your love

And when you finally gave it to her,
She drank it from your mouth

She was dancing like a fool
And smiling like a child

And she said, "thank you, thank you, thank you"
And dug her hands into the soft ground
And said, "thank you, thank you, thank you"


8/22/11

Epic

The following piece of writing is dedicated to all of my Heart House children, whom I love with every single fiber of my being. You are my children, my family, and the reason I am who I am today. I will miss you every day that I do not see you, but I will always do everything I can to honor you and our special relationships.

I want to write the most epic poem for each of you,
Crafted from a heart bursting with the most love you could ever imagine
With bright imagery and allegory, but you are not yet ready
To understand the complexity of such things

I want to write the most epic story of all of us,
The castles we stormed, the gardens we grew, the travels to other worlds
With amazing metaphor and symbolism, but others are not yet ready
To understand the possibilities of our dreams

I want to write the most epic song about it all,
Composed with dynamic elements of verse and lyric
With a bridge that tugs at the listener's heartstrings, but I am not ready
To write the ending.

8/18/11

A Relationship: In 2 Parts

"NO"

So we sat and talked
While I ran you in circles
Trying to get my words to
Pour from your mouth
But you didn't even flinch
As I put my arm around you
I was the one who couldn't
Look you in the eyes

(They would've been my favorite color.)

I swear I must've prayed to God
A thousand times
For a man like you
But did He know this?
Use it against me for smoking cigarettes
Under my parents' roof?

Do you recall the day it poured rain
And we just sat and stared at it?
Did you realize that you held me
So tight
I never dreamed you'd let me go,

And so now we sit and talk
And I can feel your gaze upon me
As you wrap your arm around me
And tell me,
"No."

-8/26/99



"ON HOW TO BREAK UP"

When you squeeze a smoke ring
Slightly pinch your fingers
So that the smoke slowly pulls apart
And the ring becomes two,
Creeping towards the sky
Until they have their last breath
And if,
By slight pinch
You cannot conjure the smoke to part
Blow faintly upon it
And perhaps it will become agitated
And begin to separate,
But,
Be sure that you are ready
For the chance that it might float back to you.

Since I Have Not Felt Your Presence

Since I have not felt your presence in years
Imagine
To find you here
On the tip of my tongue,
I was sure I had swallowed you
Wholly,
Fully digested the salty leftovers
Of our love-
making it easier to end
You. Me. Us.
Finite
-ly
Already satiated with the regret of.

Since I have not felt your presence in years
Remind
Me of the taste of full-flavored cigarettes
Inhaled with nervousness,
Again.
To find you here,
Tightening the lungs,
Squeezing stomach muscle,
Rising upwards, brushing the heartstrings
Now inside my
Mouth, urging--
You. Me. Us.

--9/17/07

In Ships

We sit here in ships
Anchored to the bottom of the ocean
Of lovers and friends
With tight grips around the heavy metal
Or iron or whatever it is
That anchors are made which make
Things difficult to pack up and go

On deck
We wait patiently
As the boat rocks gently back and forth
Like the way our bodies rock
Back and forth
Towards and away from each other
Gently

For some reason, we cannot move
Any longer
Not towards land and not farther
In this sea
I'm contemplating violently throwing things over
Board
Maybe even you
Because it feels too heavy
This ship
These bodies
This metal (or is it iron?) anchor
These things on my mind

We sit here in ships
Held fast and tight
Unlike the way that you we have ever held
Hands
We sit here in ships
Chained to the lovers and friends
Content to let ourselves rock gently
Unlike the way our hearts rock
Nervously

You are seated next to me
Compass in hand,
Map laid out on our laps
As if we ever had a way of finding our final destination.

8/13/08

Quietly (but not so quietly)

Quietly (but not so quietly),
In a chair with legs propped up
Hands folded calmly (but not so calmly) across the lap,
Perhaps I should start by explaining this--

I talk
alot.

Quietly (but not so quitely)
The story begins with you and I
Summer night air
Thick with anxious questions
Perhaps I should start by saying this--

I am not
mysterious.

Quietly (but not so quietly)
I wonder what you are thinking
Because you are not
Saying anything
Perhaps I should end by stating this--

You are
lovely.

8/24/08

March 9th, 2010

Please don't call me
Don't even say my name
In conversation with some friends of yours
I know you'll reach for your phone
And think about pressing the buttons
But I won't answer

No I won't answer
Because you can't answer me

Please don't write me
Don't even start the letter
On some scratch paper by your computer
I know you'll reach for your pencil
As you're searching for the words
But I won't read it

No I won't read it
Because you won't answer me

These sad songs I have on shuffle
Help me get through the day
They give me the words I need to hear
That you broke me
And you're sorry
And you wish you had me back
But I won't take you

No I won't take you
Because you wouldn't answer me

Answer me when I looked into your nervous eyes
Answer me when I searched for your hand in mine
Answer me when I showed up at your doorstep
And saw her with you inside

I won't answer
And I won't read it
And I won't take you

I'm not angry anymore
I've got nothing left to say
I finally found my answer
It's gonna be hard
But I'm going my own way

Come Over/How I Wasted Time

When you come over
When you place your hand
Moving in a circular rhythm down my back
I find it very difficult to say no
To say let’s leave it alone
I know, but I invited you over

When I come over
When I lay my head
Resting on your shoulder slowly
I find it very difficult to let go
To say this is not enough
I know it’s not, but I come over

I know you are about to turn your face towards mine
You know our lips will meet electrically
We will breathe in and out together
Both of our bodies shaking slightly in nervousness
We find it very difficult to not want this
To say that we are scared and lonely

When we sit there for the first moments
Thinking of the scene that is about to unfold:
Mouths, hands, legs, hands
We find it difficult to stop
To say no
To let go
To not want this

Come over.

1/5/11

Sometime between Jan 15th and now I fell in love with Queen

BAM. It hit me out of nowhere. Kind of like someone who has been a good friend for awhile, you have fond memories with them, they make your life fun....and then one day you begin to feel something inside of you that transcends friendship. It's a new feeling. Oh shit....it's LOVE.

And then you realize....it's been them all along. How did you never see it before? How could you be so blind? They are so amazing and wonderful! When you think of life without them, you can already imagine this hole in your heart.

Yes, this is what has happened to me. Queen had been on my mind lately. I found myself choosing Queen songs during karaoke happy hours. I found myself searching for YouTube videos. I started requesting to hear Queen wherever I went.

And I woke up Sunday morning and knew...I was madly in love with Queen. What's a girl to do? Lord, someone help me because I anticipate that this could turn into something obsessive and emotionally complicated.

Mawwage

I have been asked to marry my friends in September. They are going to pay to have me ordained online. I am THRILLED beyond belief.

People want me to freakin' marry them!

Oh man, they must really trust me on this one....

So if you or anyone you know is getting married in the next year, let me know. I can make this happen for you too. :)