tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70513748924197847182024-03-05T09:29:29.126-08:00ArmendazzleMonicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-79963662900478232542013-03-31T22:40:00.001-07:002013-03-31T23:14:47.694-07:00The OkCupid Challenge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Throughout April and May I will be hosting "The OkCupid Challenge", a special competition that encourages my friends to to help me find dates online. I've decided that I need creative ways of asking for help in finding me a boyfriend because YES, I AM THAT LONELY. And also, that's what friends are for.<br />
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Here's the skinny:</div>
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<li>Every two weeks, a new friend will redo my OkCupid profile to their liking, with the hopes that the profile they build gets me a high number of responses and (fingers crossed) in-person dates. </li>
<li>The creator of the profile that receives the highest number of responses will receive a free dinner to any place of their choosing.</li>
<li>Any creator of any profile that lands me in person dates will receive special prizes to be announced.</li>
<li>Lies and misleading information about me (or what I look like) is not allowed.</li>
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The challenge starts tomorrow! And I already have a full schedule through the end of May. :)</div>
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I've decided to use my blog to chronicle as much of this experience as possible. I've created a separate tab for this challenge that you can check out as you like. </div>
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I will share highlights from each competitors' choice in profile, the down-low on responses I receive, and any dates that I go on.</div>
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Let the games begin! </div>
Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-68328309310334079032013-01-04T16:06:00.001-08:002013-01-04T16:06:45.866-08:002012: A Time Odssey<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2012 Remembered: A Time Odyssey</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Lately, I'd been feeling like 2012 had been a really rough year for me. But on a drive back from Houston after new years, I found myself reminiscing with friends about our favorite moments of 2012. This ended up being a very important conversation and experience, in discovering how easy it can be to get wrapped up in the crap instead of in the treasures.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So this is my personal reflection of all of the really great things that happened this year, and my collective high fives and hugs to everyone who made it possible.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Here were some really awesome moments:</span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. My trip to Chicago to meet up with <a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=501219922&extragetparams=%7B%22group_id%22%3A0%7D" href="http://www.facebook.com/johncrouse?group_id=0" style="cursor: pointer; text-decoration: initial;">John Crouse VII</a>. Elevator rides, museum adventures, the sweaty underground dance club where we dropped some mad skills, trying to park during a Cubs game, and frolicking around town with his friends. It was such a blast.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[3]" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">2. The adventures of Seven's Sister Wives---</span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=39601925" href="http://www.facebook.com/amy.d.spencer" id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[4]" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">Amy Doozles Spencer</a><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[5]" style="line-height: 14px;"> came back from her summer away from Austin and </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=501219922" href="http://www.facebook.com/johncrouse" id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[6]" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">John Crouse VII</a><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[7]" style="line-height: 14px;"> and </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=25408866" href="http://www.facebook.com/jorge.a.munoz.528" id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[8]" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">Jorge Antonio Muñoz</a><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[9]" style="line-height: 14px;"> ended up being the only dudes there. I think it was my fault for inviting men to ladies' night! Anyway, it was a seriously fun time of pretending Seven lived a polygamist lifestyle, dancing super hard at the clurb, and a memorable collection of photos. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="emoticon emoticon_smile" style="background-image: url(http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/rsrc.php/v2/yQ/x/eAW95EoGSlR.png); background-position: -221px -113px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><br id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[10]" style="line-height: 14px;" /></span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[11]" style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">3. That night that </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=1105727687" href="http://www.facebook.com/leah.sutton.54" id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[12]" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">Leah Sutton</a><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[13]" style="line-height: 14px;"> and </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=811753406" href="http://www.facebook.com/amanda.cooper.7" id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[14]" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">Amanda Cooper</a><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[15]" style="line-height: 14px;"> came over to our house for the first time, which also happened to be one of Cam's first nights as our roommate. So many things were happening at once! Paloma was cutting </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=3624807" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=3624807" id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[16]" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">Daniel Smith</a><span id=".reactRoot[158].[1][2][1]{comment10151385635451183_26873053}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[17]" style="line-height: 14px;">'s hair, we were making up ridiculous Spanish songs, we put on hand tattoos and then ended our night eating free nachos at Bingo.</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="emoticon emoticon_smile" style="background-image: url(http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/rsrc.php/v2/yQ/x/eAW95EoGSlR.png); background-position: -221px -113px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;"></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">4. Our 4th of July Backyard Gladiators party that basically turned into an adult fraternity party. This party had everything: outdoor games, every blow up pool and toy imaginable (so much so that I broke my air compressor), the most enthusiastic living room dance-a-long to Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There?", our first time playing Cards Against Humanity (complete with major laughing fits), and a night time outdoor viewing of Independence Day.</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">5. The return to National Karaoke League! I had such a blast introducing a bunch of new people to the league, reconnecting with various folks from different parts of my life, performing again, and learning to sing my heart out with a brace face! People can do some creative things with props--I saw the most amazing shopping cart performance, cardboard boxes made into every imaginable item, and kept on top of world news through teams' skits. The league actually made me more intelligent, so thank you.</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">6. Murder Mystery on the Sea Cruise--someone died, everyone had to solve the murder. People brought the most delicious dishes...now I KNOW they can cook and I never let them off the hook for future events. :) We broke in Paul and Diana's brand new beautiful house, two people made "more than friends" connection, I got to wear a mustache and captain's hat...it was a win-win-win situation all around.</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">7. Anthony and Natalie's Landscape Makeover TV Show filming--it was such a cool experience to see how makeover shows are filmed and to help my brother and sister-in-law receive a totally new front-yard. So many friends and family came out to help make it happen. Plus, there was tons of yummy free food all day and I learned how to paint a house!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">8. This one night that my brother Matt and I were coming home from the bars and we were loudly singing along to "I'm Like a Bird". When it got to the woo-woo-woo-woo-woos, my brother hit them right on target...and I just about died laughing. It was a simple joy in life, riding home with my bro and enjoying a sing-a-long together.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">9. My experience with Mortified. It was a cathartic process for me and I learned so much about my younger self and my life journey. Reading my teenage writing to a large audience took a lot more courage than I thought it would, but those nights were probably the most I laughed all year because we all share the painful awareness of how awkward and challenging growing up is.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">10. Lunches with the boys. Dustin, Steed, and Josh and "sometimes Stephen" are my most favorite lunch buddies....and I look forward to anytime we can get together (in any combination) and talk about everything silly and serious.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">11. Not one, but TWO themed pub crawls hosted by Paloma--dressing up like Bill Murray in "What About Bob?" AND taking body shots in said costume, was one of the best moments of 2012 for me personally. But a close second was the SNL pub crawl, full of some of my favorite characters, climbing trees, falling over, and acting rowdy.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">12. Learning how to play Settlers of Catan with Alejos, Adrian and Tim while I was in Lubbock. Who knew trading ore, wheat, sheep and brick could be so much fun!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">13. Party Bus for Maria and Adrienne's birthday. I am STILL recovering from all of the fun. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">14. The New Year's Eve Wizard's Ball in Houston--anytime I can dress up like my magical alter-ego(s), I am a happy girl. And anywhere there are wizards, I am totally there. It was the perfect way to spend New Year's, away from my city and completely focused on being with some of my favorite people. Plus, I did get to visit a rather magical wizard's portal that night. ;)</span></span><br />
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Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-90700135588989011322012-04-12T21:54:00.005-07:002012-04-12T22:02:12.122-07:00<a href="http://images.free-extras.com/pics/h/holding_hands-1423.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 636px; height: 478px;" src="http://images.free-extras.com/pics/h/holding_hands-1423.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span><u><br /></u></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span style="font-size: 100%; "><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span style="font-size: 100%; ">This is a poem about holding hands,</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">and how it inevitably changes everything</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">About how the moment you feel someone's fingers,</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">Curled in yours,</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">You are home, intertwined.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">There are no more lines of this poem left to describe,</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">What happens when you let go.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">1/25/12</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">MA</div>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-24157818363763074632012-04-12T21:49:00.004-07:002012-04-12T21:54:02.052-07:00Outside, at a PartyHe looks her in the face<div>(A face dewey from the mist outside)</div><div>And tells her, </div><div>"I don't love you."</div><div><br /></div><div>But she persists,</div><div>With batting eyelashes</div><div>(Flitting with nervousness and hope)</div><div>And proudly rebuffs,</div><div>"I don't believe you."</div><div><br /></div><div>And so they stand there,</div><div>In total silence</div><div>(The kind of silence that is brief and yet lasts forever)</div><div>And he knows she is right.</div><div>And she knows now she must leave him.</div><div><br /></div><div>But neither can begin to end it.</div><div><br /></div><div>So they quiet their heart's desires,</div><div>Outside, at a party</div><div>And simply say "Goodnight" instead.</div><div><br /></div><div>-3/28/12</div><div>MA</div>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-53610192473523715852012-01-29T22:05:00.000-08:002012-01-29T22:28:00.549-08:00Awake & Asleep<div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">Here are three songs that are currently keeping my heart awake at night, and a reason to sleep to dream.</span></div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><br /></span></div>"I get so haunted, I fall in your dreams tonight</span><br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">I get so haunted, That I misunderstood tonight</span><br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">This is real, this is what you search out</span><br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">And you wouldn't believe, you could never say it's true."</span><div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><br /></span></div><div><span ><span style="line-height: 18px;"><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HCJBPkvV45o" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></span></span></div><div><span ><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="line line-s" id="line_1" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font-size: 12px; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><br /></span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_1" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >"Blow by blow</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_2" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >I didn't see it coming</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_3" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >Blow by blow</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_4" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >Sucker Punched</span></span><span ><br style="line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_5" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >Rushes in</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_6" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >Here to stay</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_7" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span >Rushes in</span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 15px; "><span >You are here to stay"</span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 15px; "><span ><br /></span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><span style="line-height: 15px;"><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/GQQhibVx5eE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></span></span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><span style="line-height: 15px;"><br /></span></span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><span style="line-height: 15px;"><br /></span></span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><span style="font-size: 12px; ">"Might be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose"</span></span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><span style="font-size: 12px; "><br /></span></span></span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span ><span style="font-size: 12px;">http://youtu.be/T9yGcKlYAiw</span></span></span><span ><span style="line-height: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span ><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-91891873075087105592012-01-24T12:22:00.001-08:002012-01-24T12:26:42.190-08:00And So It Is So<a href="http://complexification.net/gallery/machines/treeGarden/treeGardenA0000.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 403px;" src="http://complexification.net/gallery/machines/treeGarden/treeGardenA0000.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />And so it is<div>So-</div><div>I cannot live without:</div><div>music, trees, love</div><div>You, so</div><div>I</div><div>will give you time to decide:</div><div>this, that, us-</div><div>A song with a bridge</div><div>Or a song only with chorus</div><div>One great weeping willow</div><div>Or a large redwood forest</div><div><br /></div><div>And so that is</div><div>So-</div><div>I am standing here:</div><div>notes, branches, heart</div><div>You, so</div><div>We</div><div>will fall asleep separate, together, in love.</div><div><br /></div><div>1/24/12</div>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-55635187955256684442012-01-18T21:05:00.000-08:002012-01-24T12:19:27.870-08:00Things Change Over Time<div><div>Things change over time. The way a moment felt can take many shapes and forms as it settles in your memory. I experienced this chapter of my life in stages: excitement, disappointment, anger, understanding. But there will always be a certain nostalgia about what this person and the moment taught me from a "bigger picture" perspective. I enjoyed reading the two different ways I told this story, from my memory's own record.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>For the Record ("For the Future")</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Fleetwood Mac, Tom Petty;</div></div><div>You sang along softly in my ear</div><div><br /></div><div>Displayed record collection, misplaced feelings; </div><div><div>I melted on your ugly green couch.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Wine filled mind, emptied hearts; </div><div>I will always feel this moment,</div><div><br /></div><div>Solitarily, inevitably stoned.</div><div><br /></div><div>-MA</div><div>6/11/12</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>For the Record<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I melted on your ugly plaid couch,</p><p class="MsoNormal">With a wine filled mind and an emptied out heart.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m not trying to sound like I am holding on<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">To the past,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Here.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">You let me play Fleetwood Mac,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">For the first time in years, truth was in the music<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m merely mentioning what is fact,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Not exaggerated,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">After.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I danced with you in your living room,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Among your impressive displayed record collection and misplaced feelings<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m just writing this all down,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As a reminder,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">For the future.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">8/21/11</p></div>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-13528683107238730562011-11-22T11:44:00.000-08:002011-11-22T12:22:46.675-08:00I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, The FinaleI took way too long to write this whole story. So much, that even I have begun to lose interest. I apologize for those you of who have been hanging on the edge of your seats like you're waiting for the next episode of "Glee".<br /><br />Let's see if I can still capture the magic of the day when I actually saw Ryan Gosling.<br /><br />Due to the kindness of my friends and family, Paloma and Abbie were both able to join me at Fun Fun Fun this last day of the festival.<br /><br />We met up and headed over to watch "Mates of State", a band that is sentimental to me and one that I have had the pleasure of seeing perform for many many years. The need to hunt down the Gosling was less important that enjoying Mates of State and being in the moment.<br /><br />So what should happen next? Ryan Gosling and the film crew appear on the stage next to Mates of State. This is where I majorly freak out and ditch everyone.<br /><br /><insert major="" out="">I was able to catch a few awesome shots of Ryan on stage, including a photo of him actually looking at me/my camera.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/381616_10150456143166183_567976182_11003184_331982860_a.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 410px;" src="http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/381616_10150456143166183_567976182_11003184_331982860_a.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I mean I told everyone he looked at me, it doesn't matter if he really did or not, right?<br /><br />But was that enough to settle me and bring closure to my mission? It's just like french fries. I get greedy. I want them all.<br /><br />So this is where I walk backstage, run into my friends Dagny and Jaime, who encourage me to hang out back there until Ryan comes down at which point Dagny will ask him to take a picture with me. She's got a professional camera on her and looks legit, so I feel like my chances are pretty high.<br /><br />He's walking off the stage, towards us....<br /><br />Inside, I'm squealing like a schoolgirl and also secretly flipping my shit....what if he actually touches me? What we talk to each other? I feel like my head and heart my explode. I haven't been this nervous since my first kiss.<br /><br />But within seconds, the movie crew has encircled him and he's on a golf cart with his head down and turned away from everyone. Dagny does not give up....she can do that cause she is gorgeous and has legs for days. But when she asks if he'll take a photo with </insert><insert major="" out="">me, he simply shakes his head no, without even looking up at me. I mean if he saw me, he'd obviously not turn me down, right? I kind of die a little inside. I look at him sitting there, head hanging down, and he honestly looks exhausted. I'll give him that. </insert>I went to a dark, stalkerish place and needed to get myself back again. I'll give myself that.<br /><insert major="" out=""><br />So I decide to go on with my day. I enjoyed FFF Fest with my friends and ended up having the most AMAZING time WITHOUT Ryan Gosling on my mind. I rea</insert><insert major="" out="">lize that the adventure is what swept me off my feet and not so much needing anything in particular to happen. I've got my handful of Ryan photos, I stood THISCLOSE to him, and he waved to me and my friends at one point (oops, I realized I forgot to mention that.)<br /><br />The BEST part is that I was able to go to FFF Fest for free, bring along several of my best friends and hang out with a group of my favorite people. We spent some quality time together, I discovered new music, it rained (hell yeah!) and we laughed so hard we cried.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://hphotos-sea1.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/377163_10150456142661183_567976182_11003175_656239788_n.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 367px; height: 256px;" src="http://hphotos-sea1.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/377163_10150456142661183_567976182_11003175_656239788_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />At the end of the night, I decided to take advantage of my backstage access one last time, and who should I happen upon but Ryan Gosling. Literally standing across from me. I watch him quickly walk back on the stage and stands in a corner. When he thinks no one is watching, he takes off his shirt and puts a new one on. What no one realizes is that I am watching...in my own dark corner. But instead of taking advantage of a photo opp, I think, "I can't wait until he leaves Austin." I smile and walk to my car and get the f*&k out of there.<br /><br />And this concludes the time I flipped my shtuff over Ryan Gosling.<br /><br />When I first imagined experiencing my 30 favorite things for my 30th birthday, I never imagined that something like could happen to me. But the universe has been kind and I forever grateful.<br /><br /></insert>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-88861946981958695032011-11-10T16:42:00.000-08:002011-11-10T17:12:36.948-08:00I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 2<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.flicksandbits.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/ryan-gosling-drive.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 800px; height: 531px;" src="http://www.flicksandbits.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/ryan-gosling-drive.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />...and the story continues....<br /><br />On Saturday, my roommate and went to S Congress, half-hoping that we might spot the Gosling. While we were there, my brother and sister-in-law happened to call and offer me their Fun Fun Fun wristbands for the rest of the weekend. It seemed too good to be true! We were in the festival!<br /><br />We picked up our wristbands and headed over to the festival grounds, imagining what we would possibly do or say if he saw him. It was becoming more and more of a reality, particularly with our friend Stephen texting us updates on where Ryan was at the festival.<br /><br />However, it became clear quickly that we needed backstage access to get anywhere close to him and since we didn't have that, we sent Stephen and a very inebriated Zac to go take a photo, get an autograph, or ANYTHING and then report back to us! After waiting on them for quite some time, we had to take off to meet our ride.<br /><br />Later, we met up with Stephen and some other friends and while we were out I heard that he might be out downtown, so we hurried to head out to find him. Turns out....people were already starting to use the Gosling frenzy to their advantage by posting fake updates just to mess with people like us.<br /><br />It was obvious that most of the guys in Austin were NOT stoked about the fact that Ryan Gosling was in town, messing up their mojo and making all the women crazy. Many dudes I talked to seemed surprised, feeling like the Ryan Gosling fantasy for women came out of nowhere. Unfortunately for them, they just never thought to ask or pay attention to it, thinking they were safe from him ever actually invading their city. I think that if most men were listening, they would hear plenty of women (particularly in my circle) fawn over Ryan. But it seems only natural that some guys would feel jealous and their manhood threatened by having to listen to 80% of the females in Austin going gaga over the Gosling. And some couldn't care less at all, so I was not surprised to discover a lot of poutiness and jokery abound.<br /><br />But like we cared what they thought. The fact is, Ryan Gosling is hot, talented, and charming. Any man can argue that with me as much as they want, but they cannot win. And it feels nice to have your heart race every once in awhile with excitement at meeting someone you swoon over, since no other man is currently providing me that opportunity or even TRYING in the least bit.<br /><br />But as it turns out, the universe was feeling very giving towards me for my birthday month. (THANK GOD, because I feel like I really do deserve it. ) The same night, I'm contacted by my friend Jacob who is performing at Fun Fun Fun and he offers to give us backstage passes!<br /><br />So at this point, we know a few things:<br /><br />1.) I've officially become a stalker.<br />2.) My celebrity obsession has taken over any semblance of my normal self.<br />3.) We will almost DEFINITELY see Ryan Gosling tomorrow.<br /><br />I'll tell you all about the glorious day in my next post! :)Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-46505078364473371392011-11-08T14:33:00.001-08:002011-11-08T14:45:27.259-08:00I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 1So I would just like to openly admit that I have the crazies for Ryan Gosling. However, I did not realize just how psychotic my obsession was until this weekend, when my friends began to text me pictures of him at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin.<br /><br />When I first got these messages, my heart literally raced and then immediately sank. Ryan Gosling was at Fun Fun Fun Fest, where all of my friends were and I was NOT. So my roommate and I decided our first strategy was to try and solicit insider information from our friends who were there by offering favors and first born children.<br /><br />At this point, my sister-in-law shared a link to a certain blog that was actually tracking pictures of Ryan at the festival. Yes, it only took a few hours for someone to create this, a tool that fueled our fire for finding him before the weekend was over.<br /><br />www.ryangoslingatfunfunfunfest.tumblr.com<br /><br />I began to realize that this was only the beginning of an entire population of women in Austin freaking out over the arrival of this dreamboat in our city. I was seething with envy over the other pictures of other girls taking photos with him and posting it on this website for everyone to see. It was just one more blow to the fact that he was in the presence of my city and yet seemed so far away.....<br /><br />So I continued with my Friday night plans to have a slumber party, where we played board games to get our minds off of our insanity. But it wasn't long before we were watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and mapping out a plan for the next day.<br /><br />It was now officially a mission.<br /><br />To be continued........Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-10389281656488246122011-08-27T12:44:00.000-07:002011-08-27T12:45:43.683-07:00She Came From the WastelandShe came from the wasteland,
<br />
<br />And she was dirty and poor,
<br />begging for a glass of water
<br />
<br />And was tightly hugging your heels,
<br />kissing your calves, asking for your love
<br />
<br />And when you finally gave it to her,
<br />She drank it from your mouth
<br />
<br />She was dancing like a fool
<br />And smiling like a child
<br />
<br />And she said, "thank you, thank you, thank you"
<br />And dug her hands into the soft ground
<br />And said, "thank you, thank you, thank you"
<br />
<br />
<br />8/22/11
<br />
<br />
<br />Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-44895229780189606802011-08-17T22:21:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:39:08.661-07:00Epic<span style="font-style:italic;">The following piece of writing is dedicated to all of my Heart House children, whom I love with every single fiber of my being. You are my children, my family, and the reason I am who I am today. I will miss you every day that I do not see you, but I will always do everything I can to honor you and our special relationships.</span>
<br />
<br />I want to write the most epic poem for each of you,
<br />Crafted from a heart bursting with the most love you could ever imagine
<br />With bright imagery and allegory, but you are not yet ready
<br />To understand the complexity of such things
<br />
<br />I want to write the most epic story of all of us,
<br />The castles we stormed, the gardens we grew, the travels to other worlds
<br />With amazing metaphor and symbolism, but others are not yet ready
<br />To understand the possibilities of our dreams
<br />
<br />I want to write the most epic song about it all,
<br />Composed with dynamic elements of verse and lyric
<br />With a bridge that tugs at the listener's heartstrings, but I am not ready
<br />To write the ending.
<br />
<br />8/18/11
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-61479684697135171692011-08-17T22:14:00.001-07:002011-08-17T22:15:05.969-07:00A Relationship: In 2 Parts"NO"
<br />
<br />So we sat and talked
<br />While I ran you in circles
<br />Trying to get my words to
<br />Pour from your mouth
<br />But you didn't even flinch
<br />As I put my arm around you
<br />I was the one who couldn't
<br />Look you in the eyes
<br />
<br />(They would've been my favorite color.)
<br />
<br />I swear I must've prayed to God
<br />A thousand times
<br />For a man like you
<br />But did He know this?
<br />Use it against me for smoking cigarettes
<br />Under my parents' roof?
<br />
<br />Do you recall the day it poured rain
<br />And we just sat and stared at it?
<br />Did you realize that you held me
<br />So tight
<br />I never dreamed you'd let me go,
<br />
<br />And so now we sit and talk
<br />And I can feel your gaze upon me
<br />As you wrap your arm around me
<br />And tell me,
<br />"No."
<br />
<br />-8/26/99
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />"ON HOW TO BREAK UP"
<br />
<br />When you squeeze a smoke ring
<br />Slightly pinch your fingers
<br />So that the smoke slowly pulls apart
<br />And the ring becomes two,
<br />Creeping towards the sky
<br />Until they have their last breath
<br />And if,
<br />By slight pinch
<br />You cannot conjure the smoke to part
<br />Blow faintly upon it
<br />And perhaps it will become agitated
<br />And begin to separate,
<br />But,
<br />Be sure that you are ready
<br />For the chance that it might float back to you.Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-75756627235815758162011-08-17T22:11:00.002-07:002011-08-17T22:12:59.070-07:00Since I Have Not Felt Your PresenceSince I have not felt your presence in years
<br />Imagine
<br />To find you here
<br />On the tip of my tongue,
<br />I was sure I had swallowed you
<br />Wholly,
<br />Fully digested the salty leftovers
<br />Of our love-
<br />making it easier to end
<br />You. Me. Us.
<br />Finite
<br />-ly
<br />Already satiated with the regret of.
<br />
<br />Since I have not felt your presence in years
<br />Remind
<br />Me of the taste of full-flavored cigarettes
<br />Inhaled with nervousness,
<br />Again.
<br />To find you here,
<br />Tightening the lungs,
<br />Squeezing stomach muscle,
<br />Rising upwards, brushing the heartstrings
<br />Now inside my
<br />Mouth, urging--
<br />You. Me. Us.
<br />
<br />--9/17/07Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-86041248933596090332011-08-17T22:11:00.001-07:002011-08-17T22:11:41.280-07:00In ShipsWe sit here in ships
<br />Anchored to the bottom of the ocean
<br />Of lovers and friends
<br />With tight grips around the heavy metal
<br />Or iron or whatever it is
<br />That anchors are made which make
<br />Things difficult to pack up and go
<br />
<br />On deck
<br />We wait patiently
<br />As the boat rocks gently back and forth
<br />Like the way our bodies rock
<br />Back and forth
<br />Towards and away from each other
<br />Gently
<br />
<br />For some reason, we cannot move
<br />Any longer
<br />Not towards land and not farther
<br />In this sea
<br />I'm contemplating violently throwing things over
<br />Board
<br />Maybe even you
<br />Because it feels too heavy
<br />This ship
<br />These bodies
<br />This metal (or is it iron?) anchor
<br />These things on my mind
<br />
<br />We sit here in ships
<br />Held fast and tight
<br />Unlike the way that you we have ever held
<br />Hands
<br />We sit here in ships
<br />Chained to the lovers and friends
<br />Content to let ourselves rock gently
<br />Unlike the way our hearts rock
<br />Nervously
<br />
<br />You are seated next to me
<br />Compass in hand,
<br />Map laid out on our laps
<br />As if we ever had a way of finding our final destination.
<br />
<br />8/13/08Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-40716380048090125712011-08-17T22:05:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:10:17.806-07:00Quietly (but not so quietly)Quietly (but not so quietly),
<br />In a chair with legs propped up
<br />Hands folded calmly (but not so calmly) across the lap,
<br />Perhaps I should start by explaining this--
<br />
<br />I talk
<br />alot.
<br />
<br />Quietly (but not so quitely)
<br />The story begins with you and I
<br />Summer night air
<br />Thick with anxious questions
<br />Perhaps I should start by saying this--
<br />
<br />I am not
<br />mysterious.
<br />
<br />Quietly (but not so quietly)
<br />I wonder what you are thinking
<br />Because you are not
<br />Saying anything
<br />Perhaps I should end by stating this--
<br />
<br />You are
<br />lovely.
<br />
<br />8/24/08Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-83393109499872967362011-08-17T21:59:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:02:12.389-07:00March 9th, 2010Please don't call me
<br />Don't even say my name
<br />In conversation with some friends of yours
<br />I know you'll reach for your phone
<br />And think about pressing the buttons
<br />But I won't answer
<br />
<br />No I won't answer
<br />Because you can't answer me
<br />
<br />Please don't write me
<br />Don't even start the letter
<br />On some scratch paper by your computer
<br />I know you'll reach for your pencil
<br />As you're searching for the words
<br />But I won't read it
<br />
<br />No I won't read it
<br />Because you won't answer me
<br />
<br />These sad songs I have on shuffle
<br />Help me get through the day
<br />They give me the words I need to hear
<br />That you broke me
<br />And you're sorry
<br />And you wish you had me back
<br />But I won't take you
<br />
<br />No I won't take you
<br />Because you wouldn't answer me
<br />
<br />Answer me when I looked into your nervous eyes
<br />Answer me when I searched for your hand in mine
<br />Answer me when I showed up at your doorstep
<br />And saw her with you inside
<br />
<br />I won't answer
<br />And I won't read it
<br />And I won't take you
<br />
<br />I'm not angry anymore
<br />I've got nothing left to say
<br />I finally found my answer
<br />It's gonna be hard
<br />But I'm going my own wayMonicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-75800121733227592252011-08-17T21:57:00.001-07:002011-08-17T22:03:48.727-07:00Come Over/How I Wasted TimeWhen you come over
<br />When you place your hand
<br />Moving in a circular rhythm down my back
<br />I find it very difficult to say no
<br />To say let’s leave it alone
<br />I know, but I invited you over
<br />
<br />When I come over
<br />When I lay my head
<br />Resting on your shoulder slowly
<br />I find it very difficult to let go
<br />To say this is not enough
<br />I know it’s not, but I come over
<br />
<br />I know you are about to turn your face towards mine
<br />You know our lips will meet electrically
<br />We will breathe in and out together
<br />Both of our bodies shaking slightly in nervousness
<br />We find it very difficult to not want this
<br />To say that we are scared and lonely
<br />
<br />When we sit there for the first moments
<br />Thinking of the scene that is about to unfold:
<br />Mouths, hands, legs, hands
<br />We find it difficult to stop
<br />To say no
<br />To let go
<br />To not want this
<br />
<br />Come over.
<br />
<br />1/5/11
<br />Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-20492859363268411392011-02-01T22:31:00.001-08:002011-02-01T22:44:10.398-08:00Sometime between Jan 15th and now I fell in love with QueenBAM. It hit me out of nowhere. Kind of like someone who has been a good friend for awhile, you have fond memories with them, they make your life fun....and then one day you begin to feel something inside of you that transcends friendship. It's a new feeling. Oh shit....it's LOVE.<br /><br />And then you realize....it's been them all along. How did you never see it before? How could you be so blind? They are so amazing and wonderful! When you think of life without them, you can already imagine this hole in your heart.<br /><br />Yes, this is what has happened to me. Queen had been on my mind lately. I found myself choosing Queen songs during karaoke happy hours. I found myself searching for YouTube videos. I started requesting to hear Queen wherever I went.<br /><br />And I woke up Sunday morning and knew...I was madly in love with Queen. What's a girl to do? Lord, someone help me because I anticipate that this could turn into something obsessive and emotionally complicated. <br /><br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HgzGwKwLmgM" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/narrCWt02Zo" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2ZBtPf7FOoM" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen></iframe>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-34540057014641410022011-02-01T22:26:00.000-08:002011-02-01T22:31:13.805-08:00Mawwage<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRaQjZiROyLg9pEOMgnezgSpH4AQ3Z058wUCVOga_s_IudNGemp&t=1"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 237px; height: 213px;" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRaQjZiROyLg9pEOMgnezgSpH4AQ3Z058wUCVOga_s_IudNGemp&t=1" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I have been asked to marry my friends in September. They are going to pay to have me ordained online. I am THRILLED beyond belief.<br /><br />People want me to freakin' marry them!<br /><br />Oh man, they must really trust me on this one....<br /><br />So if you or anyone you know is getting married in the next year, let me know. I can make this happen for you too. :)Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-20203794915274759112011-01-02T10:29:00.001-08:002011-01-02T10:38:08.408-08:00In the Year 2000.....and 11.If the past few days are any indication of what 2011 has in store for me, I am pretty stoked. As I reflect on 2010, I am reminded that I learned some very important life lessons, particularly revolving around "letting go". Letting go of unhealthy friendships, letting go of unrequited love, letting go of grudges and anger, and letting go of over planning my life.<br /><br />I am incredibly thankful to the past year for allowing me to experience some of the toughest challenges and treasured moments of my life. <br /><br />So as I enter 2011 and experience the last year of my 20s, these are the goals I have set for myself:<br /><br />1.) Have my credit card and car debt paid off by my 30th birthday.<br />2.) Volunteer for a good cause.<br />3.) Travel to 3 new places outside of Austin.<br />4.) Participate in a "fun" or "educational" class.<br />5.) Create a "collection" of self-expression: a book, CD, video, etc.<br /><br />I am sooo looking forward to this year! What about you??Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-24580597156303644362010-11-21T16:17:00.000-08:002010-11-21T16:39:53.387-08:00Things I Have Learned This Month..1.) I want to be a "page turner". I want to learn how to share appropriately and in measured doses so that I am not giving away all the characters, plot and settings too soon. This, in turn, will make me more excited to live my life more spontaneously, less concerned about having it all figured out.<br /><br />2.) I do not need to "sell" myself. It sounded so harsh when my counselor first helped me realize this character trait about myself. But the truest things are often the hardest to hear. And she hit the nail on the head with that one. Why do I try so hard to show people how cool I am instead of just BEING completely relaxed in expressing myself in the moment and not being so concerned with what they think of me? It's a form of aggressive expression in a way. "Here....I want you to know ALL about me RIGHT NOW...so you can see all of these wonderful qualities about me and why you should date/befriend/buy me a drink!"<br /><br />3.) I CAN flirt! Whew...what a relief. I thought I was a goner on that one...<br /><br />4.) My professional career is calling me to great responsibility and action. There are amazing leadership opportunities in the horizon and I need to strongly consider and define my role as a leader in the youth development field. Again, I need to evaluate my own personal agenda/goal/judgments of myself versus the greater good of the afterschool community and my peers. This is a pivotal, exciting, courageous and truth-seeking time in my career.<br /><br />5.) I have found the meaning of "calm". It has taken shape in many wonderful forms this month---listening to records on my friend's couch, writing out positive life affirmations, ignoring phone calls and messages, regular massages....I cannot tell you how long it has been since I was comfortable and capable of enjoying moments of solitude, silence, or meditation. I am creating a balance in my life between all of the super exciting fun things I like to do and the recharging, relaxing, introspective moments I need to re-energize. It's a breakthrough really.....me staying at home more, letting go of trying to juggle a ridiculous amount of friendships, sitting with myself and really focusing on making myself peaceful and healthy.<br /><br />Just around the corner from my 29th birthday....I feel like I am in an incredibly exciting place in my life. The best I have been ever. I look forward to continued growth, development, and FUN as I near 30. Wow, I just never imagined that I could be where I am right now. :)Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-19371034114696107082010-11-13T00:46:00.001-08:002010-11-13T00:50:09.548-08:00Life StoryI want to be a novel, not a short story.Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-29846793750693628142010-11-13T00:19:00.000-08:002010-11-13T00:23:33.593-08:00Mixed TapeI searched for you everywhere<br /><br />In boxes on the highest shelves<br />I stood on a chair with wheels<br />Making little jumps, hands<br />Reached out to pull you down <br /><br />And those boxes,<br />I tore violently at the edges<br />Ripping up perfectly taped seals<br />I never thought I would break <br /><br />Again<br /><br />Sixteenth birthday party<br />Turning, turning, turning<br />In my mind<br />I wanted nothing more than to listen to<br />your specific sequence of songs<br /><br />To read that handwritten label<br />Listing a carefully planned process<br />That someone (I) went through to make you <br />To make you so awesome<br /><br />And as I quickly cut the tape<br />Flung the cardboard flaps open,<br />I figuratively crossed my fingers that you<br />Would be there Waiting for me--<br /><br />Songs of so called friends-<br />First cigarette behind 7-11 <br />Stoners looking through dirty magazines<br />while they are assured me<br />That smoking is cool<br /><br />Songs of first loves-<br />Snow on the balcony<br />When he kissed me,<br />With a salivating tongue<br />And a gentle hand in my hair<br /><br />Songs from akward dances-<br />Fairly certainly feeling boners<br />On my upper thigh as I danced with guys<br />,blushing at the thought of <br />What we would all look like naked<br /><br />Musical metaphor and melodic angst,<br />when I find you, I will finally be able <br />To let go,<br /><br />Let everything go.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://gobacktobed.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/tape.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 530px; height: 662px;" src="http://gobacktobed.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/tape.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051374892419784718.post-49934002982770172592010-11-02T21:32:00.000-07:002010-11-02T21:48:49.658-07:00Secrets<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://f00.inventorspot.com/images/isp_WhisperEar.img_assist_custom.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://f00.inventorspot.com/images/isp_WhisperEar.img_assist_custom.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Sometimes I try really hard to post about thoughts and experiences that are more raw, but I am afraid to expose people and secrets. The strange thing is that this is MY blog and while I am well aware that I should use it as I like, I still cannot bring myself to write about a few of the things that are most on my mind. I worry about the unfortunate event of people visiting my page to find themselves exposed as well because it would still be obvious, even if I tried to cleverly rename them. Not to mention the fact that it exposes me...and well, while I may be quite the open book, there are still things that are very challenging for me to share. And so for now, they stay inside. But know that I am working towards sharing them proudly and openly one day soon.Monicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18255463875867094128noreply@blogger.com0