BAM. It hit me out of nowhere. Kind of like someone who has been a good friend for awhile, you have fond memories with them, they make your life fun....and then one day you begin to feel something inside of you that transcends friendship. It's a new feeling. Oh shit....it's LOVE.
And then you realize....it's been them all along. How did you never see it before? How could you be so blind? They are so amazing and wonderful! When you think of life without them, you can already imagine this hole in your heart.
Yes, this is what has happened to me. Queen had been on my mind lately. I found myself choosing Queen songs during karaoke happy hours. I found myself searching for YouTube videos. I started requesting to hear Queen wherever I went.
And I woke up Sunday morning and knew...I was madly in love with Queen. What's a girl to do? Lord, someone help me because I anticipate that this could turn into something obsessive and emotionally complicated.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Mawwage
I have been asked to marry my friends in September. They are going to pay to have me ordained online. I am THRILLED beyond belief.
People want me to freakin' marry them!
Oh man, they must really trust me on this one....
So if you or anyone you know is getting married in the next year, let me know. I can make this happen for you too. :)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
In the Year 2000.....and 11.
If the past few days are any indication of what 2011 has in store for me, I am pretty stoked. As I reflect on 2010, I am reminded that I learned some very important life lessons, particularly revolving around "letting go". Letting go of unhealthy friendships, letting go of unrequited love, letting go of grudges and anger, and letting go of over planning my life.
I am incredibly thankful to the past year for allowing me to experience some of the toughest challenges and treasured moments of my life.
So as I enter 2011 and experience the last year of my 20s, these are the goals I have set for myself:
1.) Have my credit card and car debt paid off by my 30th birthday.
2.) Volunteer for a good cause.
3.) Travel to 3 new places outside of Austin.
4.) Participate in a "fun" or "educational" class.
5.) Create a "collection" of self-expression: a book, CD, video, etc.
I am sooo looking forward to this year! What about you??
I am incredibly thankful to the past year for allowing me to experience some of the toughest challenges and treasured moments of my life.
So as I enter 2011 and experience the last year of my 20s, these are the goals I have set for myself:
1.) Have my credit card and car debt paid off by my 30th birthday.
2.) Volunteer for a good cause.
3.) Travel to 3 new places outside of Austin.
4.) Participate in a "fun" or "educational" class.
5.) Create a "collection" of self-expression: a book, CD, video, etc.
I am sooo looking forward to this year! What about you??
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Things I Have Learned This Month..
1.) I want to be a "page turner". I want to learn how to share appropriately and in measured doses so that I am not giving away all the characters, plot and settings too soon. This, in turn, will make me more excited to live my life more spontaneously, less concerned about having it all figured out.
2.) I do not need to "sell" myself. It sounded so harsh when my counselor first helped me realize this character trait about myself. But the truest things are often the hardest to hear. And she hit the nail on the head with that one. Why do I try so hard to show people how cool I am instead of just BEING completely relaxed in expressing myself in the moment and not being so concerned with what they think of me? It's a form of aggressive expression in a way. "Here....I want you to know ALL about me RIGHT NOW...so you can see all of these wonderful qualities about me and why you should date/befriend/buy me a drink!"
3.) I CAN flirt! Whew...what a relief. I thought I was a goner on that one...
4.) My professional career is calling me to great responsibility and action. There are amazing leadership opportunities in the horizon and I need to strongly consider and define my role as a leader in the youth development field. Again, I need to evaluate my own personal agenda/goal/judgments of myself versus the greater good of the afterschool community and my peers. This is a pivotal, exciting, courageous and truth-seeking time in my career.
5.) I have found the meaning of "calm". It has taken shape in many wonderful forms this month---listening to records on my friend's couch, writing out positive life affirmations, ignoring phone calls and messages, regular massages....I cannot tell you how long it has been since I was comfortable and capable of enjoying moments of solitude, silence, or meditation. I am creating a balance in my life between all of the super exciting fun things I like to do and the recharging, relaxing, introspective moments I need to re-energize. It's a breakthrough really.....me staying at home more, letting go of trying to juggle a ridiculous amount of friendships, sitting with myself and really focusing on making myself peaceful and healthy.
Just around the corner from my 29th birthday....I feel like I am in an incredibly exciting place in my life. The best I have been ever. I look forward to continued growth, development, and FUN as I near 30. Wow, I just never imagined that I could be where I am right now. :)
2.) I do not need to "sell" myself. It sounded so harsh when my counselor first helped me realize this character trait about myself. But the truest things are often the hardest to hear. And she hit the nail on the head with that one. Why do I try so hard to show people how cool I am instead of just BEING completely relaxed in expressing myself in the moment and not being so concerned with what they think of me? It's a form of aggressive expression in a way. "Here....I want you to know ALL about me RIGHT NOW...so you can see all of these wonderful qualities about me and why you should date/befriend/buy me a drink!"
3.) I CAN flirt! Whew...what a relief. I thought I was a goner on that one...
4.) My professional career is calling me to great responsibility and action. There are amazing leadership opportunities in the horizon and I need to strongly consider and define my role as a leader in the youth development field. Again, I need to evaluate my own personal agenda/goal/judgments of myself versus the greater good of the afterschool community and my peers. This is a pivotal, exciting, courageous and truth-seeking time in my career.
5.) I have found the meaning of "calm". It has taken shape in many wonderful forms this month---listening to records on my friend's couch, writing out positive life affirmations, ignoring phone calls and messages, regular massages....I cannot tell you how long it has been since I was comfortable and capable of enjoying moments of solitude, silence, or meditation. I am creating a balance in my life between all of the super exciting fun things I like to do and the recharging, relaxing, introspective moments I need to re-energize. It's a breakthrough really.....me staying at home more, letting go of trying to juggle a ridiculous amount of friendships, sitting with myself and really focusing on making myself peaceful and healthy.
Just around the corner from my 29th birthday....I feel like I am in an incredibly exciting place in my life. The best I have been ever. I look forward to continued growth, development, and FUN as I near 30. Wow, I just never imagined that I could be where I am right now. :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Mixed Tape
I searched for you everywhere
In boxes on the highest shelves
I stood on a chair with wheels
Making little jumps, hands
Reached out to pull you down
And those boxes,
I tore violently at the edges
Ripping up perfectly taped seals
I never thought I would break
Again
Sixteenth birthday party
Turning, turning, turning
In my mind
I wanted nothing more than to listen to
your specific sequence of songs
To read that handwritten label
Listing a carefully planned process
That someone (I) went through to make you
To make you so awesome
And as I quickly cut the tape
Flung the cardboard flaps open,
I figuratively crossed my fingers that you
Would be there Waiting for me--
Songs of so called friends-
First cigarette behind 7-11
Stoners looking through dirty magazines
while they are assured me
That smoking is cool
Songs of first loves-
Snow on the balcony
When he kissed me,
With a salivating tongue
And a gentle hand in my hair
Songs from akward dances-
Fairly certainly feeling boners
On my upper thigh as I danced with guys
,blushing at the thought of
What we would all look like naked
Musical metaphor and melodic angst,
when I find you, I will finally be able
To let go,
Let everything go.
In boxes on the highest shelves
I stood on a chair with wheels
Making little jumps, hands
Reached out to pull you down
And those boxes,
I tore violently at the edges
Ripping up perfectly taped seals
I never thought I would break
Again
Sixteenth birthday party
Turning, turning, turning
In my mind
I wanted nothing more than to listen to
your specific sequence of songs
To read that handwritten label
Listing a carefully planned process
That someone (I) went through to make you
To make you so awesome
And as I quickly cut the tape
Flung the cardboard flaps open,
I figuratively crossed my fingers that you
Would be there Waiting for me--
Songs of so called friends-
First cigarette behind 7-11
Stoners looking through dirty magazines
while they are assured me
That smoking is cool
Songs of first loves-
Snow on the balcony
When he kissed me,
With a salivating tongue
And a gentle hand in my hair
Songs from akward dances-
Fairly certainly feeling boners
On my upper thigh as I danced with guys
,blushing at the thought of
What we would all look like naked
Musical metaphor and melodic angst,
when I find you, I will finally be able
To let go,
Let everything go.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Secrets
Sometimes I try really hard to post about thoughts and experiences that are more raw, but I am afraid to expose people and secrets. The strange thing is that this is MY blog and while I am well aware that I should use it as I like, I still cannot bring myself to write about a few of the things that are most on my mind. I worry about the unfortunate event of people visiting my page to find themselves exposed as well because it would still be obvious, even if I tried to cleverly rename them. Not to mention the fact that it exposes me...and well, while I may be quite the open book, there are still things that are very challenging for me to share. And so for now, they stay inside. But know that I am working towards sharing them proudly and openly one day soon.
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