I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, The Finale

I took way too long to write this whole story. So much, that even I have begun to lose interest. I apologize for those you of who have been hanging on the edge of your seats like you're waiting for the next episode of "Glee".

Let's see if I can still capture the magic of the day when I actually saw Ryan Gosling.

Due to the kindness of my friends and family, Paloma and Abbie were both able to join me at Fun Fun Fun this last day of the festival.

We met up and headed over to watch "Mates of State", a band that is sentimental to me and one that I have had the pleasure of seeing perform for many many years. The need to hunt down the Gosling was less important that enjoying Mates of State and being in the moment.

So what should happen next? Ryan Gosling and the film crew appear on the stage next to Mates of State. This is where I majorly freak out and ditch everyone.

I was able to catch a few awesome shots of Ryan on stage, including a photo of him actually looking at me/my camera.

I mean I told everyone he looked at me, it doesn't matter if he really did or not, right?

But was that enough to settle me and bring closure to my mission? It's just like french fries. I get greedy. I want them all.

So this is where I walk backstage, run into my friends Dagny and Jaime, who encourage me to hang out back there until Ryan comes down at which point Dagny will ask him to take a picture with me. She's got a professional camera on her and looks legit, so I feel like my chances are pretty high.

He's walking off the stage, towards us....

Inside, I'm squealing like a schoolgirl and also secretly flipping my shit....what if he actually touches me? What we talk to each other? I feel like my head and heart my explode. I haven't been this nervous since my first kiss.

But within seconds, the movie crew has encircled him and he's on a golf cart with his head down and turned away from everyone. Dagny does not give up....she can do that cause she is gorgeous and has legs for days. But when she asks if he'll take a photo with me, he simply shakes his head no, without even looking up at me. I mean if he saw me, he'd obviously not turn me down, right? I kind of die a little inside. I look at him sitting there, head hanging down, and he honestly looks exhausted. I'll give him that. I went to a dark, stalkerish place and needed to get myself back again. I'll give myself that.

So I decide to go on with my day. I enjoyed FFF Fest with my friends and ended up having the most AMAZING time WITHOUT Ryan Gosling on my mind. I realize that the adventure is what swept me off my feet and not so much needing anything in particular to happen. I've got my handful of Ryan photos, I stood THISCLOSE to him, and he waved to me and my friends at one point (oops, I realized I forgot to mention that.)

The BEST part is that I was able to go to FFF Fest for free, bring along several of my best friends and hang out with a group of my favorite people. We spent some quality time together, I discovered new music, it rained (hell yeah!) and we laughed so hard we cried.



At the end of the night, I decided to take advantage of my backstage access one last time, and who should I happen upon but Ryan Gosling. Literally standing across from me. I watch him quickly walk back on the stage and stands in a corner. When he thinks no one is watching, he takes off his shirt and puts a new one on. What no one realizes is that I am watching...in my own dark corner. But instead of taking advantage of a photo opp, I think, "I can't wait until he leaves Austin." I smile and walk to my car and get the f*&k out of there.

And this concludes the time I flipped my shtuff over Ryan Gosling.

When I first imagined experiencing my 30 favorite things for my 30th birthday, I never imagined that something like could happen to me. But the universe has been kind and I forever grateful.

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 2

...and the story continues....

On Saturday, my roommate and went to S Congress, half-hoping that we might spot the Gosling. While we were there, my brother and sister-in-law happened to call and offer me their Fun Fun Fun wristbands for the rest of the weekend. It seemed too good to be true! We were in the festival!

We picked up our wristbands and headed over to the festival grounds, imagining what we would possibly do or say if he saw him. It was becoming more and more of a reality, particularly with our friend Stephen texting us updates on where Ryan was at the festival.

However, it became clear quickly that we needed backstage access to get anywhere close to him and since we didn't have that, we sent Stephen and a very inebriated Zac to go take a photo, get an autograph, or ANYTHING and then report back to us! After waiting on them for quite some time, we had to take off to meet our ride.

Later, we met up with Stephen and some other friends and while we were out I heard that he might be out downtown, so we hurried to head out to find him. Turns out....people were already starting to use the Gosling frenzy to their advantage by posting fake updates just to mess with people like us.

It was obvious that most of the guys in Austin were NOT stoked about the fact that Ryan Gosling was in town, messing up their mojo and making all the women crazy. Many dudes I talked to seemed surprised, feeling like the Ryan Gosling fantasy for women came out of nowhere. Unfortunately for them, they just never thought to ask or pay attention to it, thinking they were safe from him ever actually invading their city. I think that if most men were listening, they would hear plenty of women (particularly in my circle) fawn over Ryan. But it seems only natural that some guys would feel jealous and their manhood threatened by having to listen to 80% of the females in Austin going gaga over the Gosling. And some couldn't care less at all, so I was not surprised to discover a lot of poutiness and jokery abound.

But like we cared what they thought. The fact is, Ryan Gosling is hot, talented, and charming. Any man can argue that with me as much as they want, but they cannot win. And it feels nice to have your heart race every once in awhile with excitement at meeting someone you swoon over, since no other man is currently providing me that opportunity or even TRYING in the least bit.

But as it turns out, the universe was feeling very giving towards me for my birthday month. (THANK GOD, because I feel like I really do deserve it. ) The same night, I'm contacted by my friend Jacob who is performing at Fun Fun Fun and he offers to give us backstage passes!

So at this point, we know a few things:

1.) I've officially become a stalker.
2.) My celebrity obsession has taken over any semblance of my normal self.
3.) We will almost DEFINITELY see Ryan Gosling tomorrow.

I'll tell you all about the glorious day in my next post! :)

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 1

So I would just like to openly admit that I have the crazies for Ryan Gosling. However, I did not realize just how psychotic my obsession was until this weekend, when my friends began to text me pictures of him at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin.

When I first got these messages, my heart literally raced and then immediately sank. Ryan Gosling was at Fun Fun Fun Fest, where all of my friends were and I was NOT. So my roommate and I decided our first strategy was to try and solicit insider information from our friends who were there by offering favors and first born children.

At this point, my sister-in-law shared a link to a certain blog that was actually tracking pictures of Ryan at the festival. Yes, it only took a few hours for someone to create this, a tool that fueled our fire for finding him before the weekend was over.

www.ryangoslingatfunfunfunfest.tumblr.com

I began to realize that this was only the beginning of an entire population of women in Austin freaking out over the arrival of this dreamboat in our city. I was seething with envy over the other pictures of other girls taking photos with him and posting it on this website for everyone to see. It was just one more blow to the fact that he was in the presence of my city and yet seemed so far away.....

So I continued with my Friday night plans to have a slumber party, where we played board games to get our minds off of our insanity. But it wasn't long before we were watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and mapping out a plan for the next day.

It was now officially a mission.

To be continued........

Sometime between Jan 15th and now I fell in love with Queen

BAM. It hit me out of nowhere. Kind of like someone who has been a good friend for awhile, you have fond memories with them, they make your life fun....and then one day you begin to feel something inside of you that transcends friendship. It's a new feeling. Oh shit....it's LOVE.

And then you realize....it's been them all along. How did you never see it before? How could you be so blind? They are so amazing and wonderful! When you think of life without them, you can already imagine this hole in your heart.

Yes, this is what has happened to me. Queen had been on my mind lately. I found myself choosing Queen songs during karaoke happy hours. I found myself searching for YouTube videos. I started requesting to hear Queen wherever I went.

And I woke up Sunday morning and knew...I was madly in love with Queen. What's a girl to do? Lord, someone help me because I anticipate that this could turn into something obsessive and emotionally complicated.

Mawwage

I have been asked to marry my friends in September. They are going to pay to have me ordained online. I am THRILLED beyond belief.

People want me to freakin' marry them!

Oh man, they must really trust me on this one....

So if you or anyone you know is getting married in the next year, let me know. I can make this happen for you too. :)

Swede vs. Non-Swede: How We Roll

This month, one of my favorite people came to visit Austin for the month. Her name is Sarah and she was the first Swedish person I ever met. Sarah has taught me alot about Sweden--everything from the crazy crap they eat to their governing system. She has a magnetic quality about her, something that intrigues everyone. I find all of my friends immediately engaged in asking her about her life. It's as if they never knew that Swedish people existed! I LOVE listening to her tell stories--funny, outrageous, enlightening, and empowering.

Therefore, I came up with this wonderful idea for an advice/opinion blog called "Swede vs. Non-Swede".



You see, even though Sarah and I have a pretty amazing friendship, we also have our own unique perspective on things, often influenced by our cultural and regional upbringing. Sometimes she is dumbfounded by the way that "Americans" live and act and likewise, I was surprised to find out that she doesn't have a movie theater in her "willage" (village, but that's how she says it) and the last time she went to see a movie was over a year ago. See.....we live our separate lives, have our own experiences and influences, and enjoy sharing these with each other and the world.

I asked my Facebook community to ask questions, advice and propose topics for discussion. We had a great response and so we will be breaking up our conversations into separate blog posts.

Without further ado, here is the first installment!

HOW WE ROLL: Personalities & Lifestyle

Question: Do you believe a person's name has any effect on their personality?

Sarah: Not at all. A name is just a name. It's something your parents gave to you. Of course it depends on how strong of an identity you have. If you're kind of shy and having a hard time socializing with people, then I feel like people begin to associate your name with you. So no, I feel that a name is just a name. I love the Indian names. "Sarah, the Girl with the blonde hair who is here to cheer us up"...if that was my name, then yeah..but I'm just (wanders off in thought)....cause I mean like 150-200 years ago in Sweden, it would still be that you got your parents name, you know? So it was also a kind of identity marker back then when there was so few people. But today, a name doesn't say anything.

Monica: Well, I do find it interesting that I can have strong reactions to people's names and sometimes find myself judging them based on other people's personalities with that name. For example, I tend to hate Johns because most of the Johns I know are egotistical alpha males...and maybe a guy named also terribly broke my heart a few years back, so I kind of shy away from hanging out with Johns. Here's what I think: People form strong attachments to names of people who were significant in their lives. So it's not that a person's name influences their own personality, but rather, the people they know influence their perception of them. I feel like I am trying to communicate this while I am on drugs. Hope you are staying with me on this one.....You know what would be unfortunate? If you had a really kick-ass name like Sunbeam but you were actually a huge ass.



Question: Do you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?



Sarah: I do, but it's just that we don't eat that much peanut butter, so for me peanut butter is this thing that is just taking over your mouth. But with the jam, it just goes down, so with the sweetness of the jam, it makes the peanut butter eatable. I do love peanut butter, but not by myself. It's "gum glued" food. Like some special kind of wines are "gum glued" wines. You know that feeling?

Monica: I feel so unAmerican for saying this, but I do not like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that much at all. I feel like I spend way too long trying to get the peanut butter down my throat and the smacking sound that it makes really bothers me. HOWEVER, I would be more enthusiastic about eating a sandwich that has the crunchy peanut butter because I do enjoy whole nuts.




Question: What does rock music sound like in Sweden?

Sarah: Can I just paste a link to a Metallica song played from a Swedish computer? That must be Swedish rock music. Hahahaha. Here are some music groups you should listen to: Hellacopters, Moneybrother, and of course, the Hives. That is Swedish rock. Swedish rock sounds alot..it's just got this cool rock sound. Swedish music sounds COOOOOL, okay?

Monica: An ex-boyfriend of mine introduced me to a band called "The Sounds" years back and I really dug them. Then I met Sarah and she informed me that they are in fact, a Swedish band. Soooo...."I really like this rock band" + "This band is Swedish"="I really like this Swedish rock band". Therefore, Swedish rock (the very little I know about it) is pretty cool. In fact, we've posted some Swedish rock for your listening pleasure! Just like American rock, there are many genres and sounds across the spectrum, but here is a diverse sampling.

Hellacopters:"I'm in the Band"



The Sounds: "Painted by Numbers"



Moneybrother: "It's Been Hurting all the Way with you Joanna"



Oh and let's not forget THESE AWESOME SWEDISH ROCKERS..

Roxette: "The Look"



Okay, that's it for this time. Check back soon for the next installment of Swede vs. Non-Swede.

I'm Sitting Pretty

I am here to share with you all what has undoubtedly been the best month of my life all year....possibly years. If you've been around me lately, you may even have had the urge to gag a little with my incessant purring over how awesome my life is right now...and is continuing to be.

I was lying here on my bed tonight, listening to some of my favorite music, reflecting on how hard I have worked to get myself and my life to this place of abundance and fulfillment. I have always thought of myself as a fortunate and happy person, optimistic about life's adventure. And I know that even when everything seems to be perfect, it is not about obtaining perfectionism...it is about truth seeking, personal growth and development, and the pursuit of passion, knowledge and experience.

So what is all this mumbo jumbo about exactly?

First of all, it starts with a job promotion. Last month I became the Director of Education for Heart House. Hopefully, you know that I have been working there for over 5 years now and I have a true passion for the work that I do to impact the lives of the youth in our afterschool and summer programs. I really hope you all know how much my work means to me. If you don't, you will learn soon enough that it is paramount to who I am as a person--what motivates me, what excites me, what fulfills me. So earlier this year, our Founder offers me the amazing opportunity to create a NEW job for myself....and the Director of Education was born. Not only did I receive the opportunity to write my own job description and performance plan, but I also received a very generous salary increase. Oh, and did I mention that I work from home now? Yeah....so as you can see, my new job began to open many new doors for me.

The first door it opened was time at home. OMG, I have ALL this time now to work and do other things. I cannot express to you how awesome it is to be able to do laundry while working, or to be able to take my dog Jack on regular walks in between working sessions. Or how I can make a healthier lunch for myself and savor my food, instead of scarfing down Whataburger in 20 minutes to make it back to work on time. I actually have TIME. Sweet, productive, uninterrupted time. I feel like I will be able to accomplish so much more, feel balanced, rested, calm. Can you imagine....CALM??

And I hate to say it buuuuttt......I have boatloads of money now! I just can't believe that I am going to be financially well off for a long while. And as much as money can be the root of all evil, um, it can also provide many much needed opportunities.....like getting out of debt, a mental health and well being plan, a bicycle, nice new professional work clothes, a trip to NYC to see my brothers.....and so on and so forth. Don't worry, I won't squander it all....because what I am most excited for with my new found financial security is the creation of a substantial savings account! That's right...I'm 29 and will finally have a savings account with a balance of more than $20.

And I've made some major breakthroughs in my counseling sessions regarding my working and personal relationships. I've finally let go of the people and personal habits that are preventing me from pursuing healthy, mutually respectful and loving relationships. I feel completely capable of setting boundaries with others, communicating honestly, and sharing my thoughts and feelings. I FINALLY understand and can apply healthy dating habits that do not involve hiding feelings, masking intentions, giving without receiving, and settling for mediocre. I am happy to report that I can successfully flirt now! I feel like I just put on a new pair of glasses and can see my life and personal relationships in a completely new, fresh and exciting way!

Amidst of all these goings on, I have learned some AMAZING things about myself.

I have learned what it feels like to find the calm in my life.
I have learned to sit and listen to music and contemplate.
I have learned how to have a healthier lifestyle.
I have learned how to have a better bond with my dog.
I have learned how to let go.
I have learned to say "No".
I have learned to truly love myself.
I have learned how to dress better.
I have learned how to ride a bicycle.

I am incredibly grateful for this feeling of abundance that has washed over me. I cannot wait for the rest of what this "newness" will bring!

Fleetwood Mac's "The Dance"

I hope that in heaven, Fleetwood Mac's emotionally honest, electric and palpable live performance called "The Dance" plays on a loop for eternity.



This concert viewing also has incredibly sentimental value for me because the first time I watched it was with a dear friend of mine, Drew. When I met Drew years ago, I knew I liked Fleetwood Mac, based on....oh...the only 3 songs of theirs I had ever heard. After nights of listening to FM albums and sharing CDs, I truly came into my FM fandom. He cultivated a true appreciation and endearment for them and it is something we have shared together ever since, including a very special place in my heart for this song:



The first time I watched "The Dance" with Drew, it felt magical.....like in a really geeky way. Like I wanted to slowly rock my hands back and forth in the air, eyes closed, loudly singing along to songs that are somehow about my life, like they predicted my lifetime and wrote songs just for me. Yeah...like THAT kind of magic.

We watched it again the other night. It totally pulls on my heartstrings, in a really vulnerable and therapeutic way. It's great for heartaches, hard crushes, and self-discovery.

I would just like to state for the record that this is the song you should sing to me when we get married.



And if it's unlikely that you and I are going to get married, then you can sing it to me on a voicemail at 1am, on any future birthday, or when it's time to sing those "let's get really drunk and sappy" songs at karaoke. I mean honestly, if you need to deliver some REALLY bad news to me too.....go with "Songbird". It hits the spot just right every time.

In conclusion, I highly recommend everyone watch "The Dance" at least 10 times. At least. And watch these videos as supporting evidence.



Special thanks to Drew Walters for making my insanely special love for Fleetwood Mac possible.

I LOVE Lists

For some reason, I have always been a fan of lists. Perhaps because I am visual person and enjoy seeing things laid out. Perhaps because it helps me bring some much needed organization into my life. It is actually the one and only way I am good at organizing. God knows one look in my bedroom, car, or office and you'll understand. Regardless, I have decided that lists are awesome because they are quick, easy to read, and are a row by row account of interesting and important details.

So here's a list I made right now to share with you:

TOP 10 SKILLS I WISH I HAD (in no particular order):

1. I wish I knew how to sew. Like I could go shop for those dorky patterns and make myself my own little costume or dress. Or hem pants, because they are never the right length for a short girl like me.

2. I wish I knew how to use a bow and arrow. I can think of so many times when it would be hilarious to bust it out.

3. I wish I could speak another language fluently. I've always wanted to be able to have secret conversations with other people who knew another language so we could say whatever we wanted and nobody else would have a clue.

4. I wish I could do a backflip. Anytime, anywhere, onto or off of anything.

5. I wish I REALLY knew how to do laundry....without having to look at the instructions inside the washer lid everytime.

6. I have always wanted to be able to play the guitar. Now an air guitar, I got on lockdown. A real guitar though.....that's a whole other ball game.

7. I wish I could lie well. I know that this is not necessarily the most virtuous skill, but it would really come in handy sometimes.

8. I wish I knew how to create and keep and budget, knew anything about investments, knew anything about finances.

9. I honestly would like to be able to say that I have mad breakdancing skills.

10. I'm not sure exactly what you call this skill---but it consists of being able to use a bit more censorship in what I say and to whom. Sometimes I have word vomit and it causes a mean hangover.

The Return of Lost!

If you're a lost fanatic like me, then you have been anxiously awaiting the season 4 premiere since, I don't know.............like a year already. As I sat there counting down the minutes until 8pm, I realized, "It has begun." And what I mean, is that whenever "Lost" is in season, I feel like my crazies come out. So I thought I'd start off the season with a tribute to that obsessed side of me.....and moreover, reassure myself that it could be waayyy worse than it is now.

I may be really into "Lost", but at least I haven't:

1.) Charted out the relationship of all of the characters on a poster hanging in my house. Umm, they already have one of them posted on the ABC website.
2.) Started seeking out friendships with people who share the same names as the Oceanic 6. I feel satisfied enough that my dog is named "Jack".
3.) Purchased any "Lost" gear--bedsheets, notebooks, pillow cases, mugs, etc. It reminds me too much of all of my teenage girl friends who had New Kids on the Block sleeping bags and curtains. Ick.
4.) Accidentally shouted out "Jack!" in the middle of special moment with someone. (References to my dog are not counted here.)
5.) Had a "Lost" theme party---although, I'm seriously considering this one.
6.) Denied my addiction to my friends and family. I've actually been incredibly straightforward about it.
5.) Wrote a song which acted as a recap to the first 3 seasons. OKAY, maybe I HAVE done this one....)

I mean, the bottom is line is that this show really is thoughtfully and ingeniously crafted to keep you on your toes at all times. Sure, it's turned a little weird and sci-fi. Sure, if you miss an episode you miss a crapload of information. I stepped out for a cigarette an apparently missed some very vital information in about 3 minutes.

Here's to "Lost". I'm not gonna lie....my affection for this show can get a little wacky.

So there IS a song about me....

My dear Swedish friends told me about this song and granted, I have NO IDEA what it's about....I do understand "Haj Monika". Haaaaaaaaj.

Swedish Surprises!

My lovely Swedish ladies are back! And if you're thinking "Back? Where were they? Actually, I don't even know who these Swedish ladies are!"...then let me tell you a little story.

Last month, I met two women from Sweden--Anna and Pia. We instantly fell in love and spent every day with each other for a week while they were visiting Austin. And I was heartbroken on the day they left to travel through the rest of the states. Literally....heartbroken. I'm pretty sure I cried.

I've kept in contact with them about their adventures, still solemn knowing that I probably wouldn't see them again for a REALLY long time (because, um....they live in Sweden and what not.)

Well last night I was having dinner with some friends and they walked through the door. Easily the most I have been surprised and the best surprise ever! Everyone kept the secret from me really well. :)

But I am just so unbelievably touched that Anna and Pia came back to Austin to spend time with me at my birthday party! Sometimes people just make you feel so warm and fuzzy inside and you feel so lucky to have them in your lives. Duuude....they freakin paid hundreds of dollars to fly back for me on my birthday. I can easily say that this is going to be the most memorable and exciting birthday I've had.

Sifl and Olly Show

Does anyone remember this kickass show? It has made a comeback in my life recently thanks to You Tube and my friend John.


Umm, Chester is the coolest sock puppet EVER.


Here are some of my favorite clips:


"Chester Goes to the Roller Derby"






"Squirrels"



"Get the Bubbles, Chester!"



I can't stop laughing.

Rock Operas Totally Rock

Here's my next project everyone:

I want to create a horror rock opera using classic horror film characters and plotlines. I want to juxtapose themes of violence and gore with pop melodies of love and sorrow.

Imagine the following scene (close your eyes, it might help):

The curtains open and you see two sets of people, one on stage right and one stage left. They approach each other "West Side Story" style, snapping their fingers and ooh and aahing at each other. Look closely. You'll notice that one group is a gang of everyone's favorite bad guys (Freddie, Chuckie, Leatherhead, etc.) and the other are their victims, bloodied and terrified.







However, they start singing at each other, circling each other, snapping and jumping in the air, doing lunges and turns....you know, awesome dance moves. The entire scene is focused on dance fighting. Like, Michael Jackson's "Bad" or "Beat It". In fact, maybe that's the background music.

The scene ends with the victims collapsing on the ground, while the bad guys are hunched over, predatory.

As the curtains close however, you see something unusual. The bad guys are crying. And you wonder why. (Trust me, you do.)

Well, if you stayed and watched the rest, you would discover the answers....because this is musical is about the relationship between victim and victimizer and the search for meaning and happiness.







So the next step for me is this:

I would like to recruit my creative development team who will help me write this play, compose the music, and stage it live in the Spring/early Summer. I'm just putting it out there. Feel free to express your interest or throw it right back at me. But know this......A Nightmare on Musical Street WILL happen next year. And it will be bloody spectacular.

Thrill Austin Announcements, Video, and Pictures

Um, go here: www.thrilltheworldaustin.com

You gotta check this out. We broke the world record!

Brains.

Well today was the big day. "Thrill the World" has officially replaced Air Guitar Competition as my favorite fun time EVER.

So I can now excitedly announce that the most badass thing I have ever done is perform "Thriller" with 880 other zombies at one time, including a breast feeding zombie who may have scarred me for life. (I mean, my zombie life.) I'm pretty sure we broke the world record. We'll know tomorrow.

And speaking of exciting news, we will be marching and performing in the Dia de Los Muertos parade down South Congress and Downtown next Saturday (Nov. 1) from 6-7pm. I believe. I'll give you more details on that as soon as I can confirm.

I am so glad that a handful of my friends joined me in this monumental moment. And to all my undead friends, thank you for allowing me to ramble constantly about this event in my life. Sometimes I get a little out of control with it all, I know, but honestly.....BRAINS is just about the most entertaining word to me right now.

Check back for video and photos!

And I definitely just finished removing leaves and dirt from my hair. I was hell bent on looking like really just rolled out of the grave.

I'd like to leave you with some clever zombie jokes we made up this morning at 10am while waiting for others to arrive:

"Is your dad a theif, cause brains."

"Knock. Knock."
"Who's there?"
"BRAINS!"

"Is that a brain in your pants, or are you just excited to see me?"


Me take nap now.