Armendazzle

Awake & Asleep

2012-01-29T22:05:00.000-08:00

Here are three songs that are currently keeping my heart awake at night, and a reason to sleep to dream.

"I get so haunted, I fall in your dreams tonight
I get so haunted, That I misunderstood tonight
This is real, this is what you search out
And you wouldn't believe, you could never say it's true."

"Blow by blowI didn't see it comingBlow by blowSucker Punched
Rushes inHere to stayRushes inYou are here to stay"


"Might be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose"
http://youtu.be/T9yGcKlYAiw

And So It Is So

2012-01-24T12:22:00.001-08:00

And so it is

So-

I cannot live without:

music, trees, love

You, so

will give you time to decide:

this, that, us-

A song with a bridge

Or a song only with chorus

One great weeping willow

Or a large redwood forest

And so that is

So-

I am standing here:

notes, branches, heart

You, so

will fall asleep separate, together, in love.

1/24/12

Things Change Over Time

2012-01-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

Things change over time. The way a moment felt can take many shapes and forms as it settles in your memory. I experienced this chapter of my life in stages: excitement, disappointment, anger, understanding. But there will always be a certain nostalgia about what this person and the moment taught me from a "bigger picture" perspective. I enjoyed reading the two different ways I told this story, from my memory's own record.

For the Record ("For the Future")

Fleetwood Mac, Tom Petty;

You sang along softly in my ear

Displayed record collection, misplaced feelings;

I melted on your ugly green couch.

Wine filled mind, emptied hearts;

I will always feel this moment,

Solitarily, inevitably stoned.

-MA

6/11/12

For the Record

I melted on your ugly plaid couch,

With a wine filled mind and an emptied out heart.

I’m not trying to sound like I am holding on

To the past,

Here.

You let me play Fleetwood Mac,

For the first time in years, truth was in the music

I’m merely mentioning what is fact,

Not exaggerated,

After.

I danced with you in your living room,

Among your impressive displayed record collection and misplaced feelings

I’m just writing this all down,

As a reminder,

For the future.

8/21/11

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, The Finale

2011-11-22T11:44:00.000-08:00

I took way too long to write this whole story. So much, that even I have begun to lose interest. I apologize for those you of who have been hanging on the edge of your seats like you're waiting for the next episode of "Glee".

Let's see if I can still capture the magic of the day when I actually saw Ryan Gosling.

Due to the kindness of my friends and family, Paloma and Abbie were both able to join me at Fun Fun Fun this last day of the festival.

We met up and headed over to watch "Mates of State", a band that is sentimental to me and one that I have had the pleasure of seeing perform for many many years. The need to hunt down the Gosling was less important that enjoying Mates of State and being in the moment.

So what should happen next? Ryan Gosling and the film crew appear on the stage next to Mates of State. This is where I majorly freak out and ditch everyone.

I was able to catch a few awesome shots of Ryan on stage, including a photo of him actually looking at me/my camera.

I mean I told everyone he looked at me, it doesn't matter if he really did or not, right?

But was that enough to settle me and bring closure to my mission? It's just like french fries. I get greedy. I want them all.

So this is where I walk backstage, run into my friends Dagny and Jaime, who encourage me to hang out back there until Ryan comes down at which point Dagny will ask him to take a picture with me. She's got a professional camera on her and looks legit, so I feel like my chances are pretty high.

He's walking off the stage, towards us....

Inside, I'm squealing like a schoolgirl and also secretly flipping my shit....what if he actually touches me? What we talk to each other? I feel like my head and heart my explode. I haven't been this nervous since my first kiss.

But within seconds, the movie crew has encircled him and he's on a golf cart with his head down and turned away from everyone. Dagny does not give up....she can do that cause she is gorgeous and has legs for days. But when she asks if he'll take a photo with me, he simply shakes his head no, without even looking up at me. I mean if he saw me, he'd obviously not turn me down, right? I kind of die a little inside. I look at him sitting there, head hanging down, and he honestly looks exhausted. I'll give him that. I went to a dark, stalkerish place and needed to get myself back again. I'll give myself that.

So I decide to go on with my day. I enjoyed FFF Fest with my friends and ended up having the most AMAZING time WITHOUT Ryan Gosling on my mind. I realize that the adventure is what swept me off my feet and not so much needing anything in particular to happen. I've got my handful of Ryan photos, I stood THISCLOSE to him, and he waved to me and my friends at one point (oops, I realized I forgot to mention that.)

The BEST part is that I was able to go to FFF Fest for free, bring along several of my best friends and hang out with a group of my favorite people. We spent some quality time together, I discovered new music, it rained (hell yeah!) and we laughed so hard we cried.

At the end of the night, I decided to take advantage of my backstage access one last time, and who should I happen upon but Ryan Gosling. Literally standing across from me. I watch him quickly walk back on the stage and stands in a corner. When he thinks no one is watching, he takes off his shirt and puts a new one on. What no one realizes is that I am watching...in my own dark corner. But instead of taking advantage of a photo opp, I think, "I can't wait until he leaves Austin." I smile and walk to my car and get the f*&k out of there.

And this concludes the time I flipped my shtuff over Ryan Gosling.

When I first imagined experiencing my 30 favorite things for my 30th birthday, I never imagined that something like could happen to me. But the universe has been kind and I forever grateful.

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 2

2011-11-10T16:42:00.000-08:00

...and the story continues....

On Saturday, my roommate and went to S Congress, half-hoping that we might spot the Gosling. While we were there, my brother and sister-in-law happened to call and offer me their Fun Fun Fun wristbands for the rest of the weekend. It seemed too good to be true! We were in the festival!

We picked up our wristbands and headed over to the festival grounds, imagining what we would possibly do or say if he saw him. It was becoming more and more of a reality, particularly with our friend Stephen texting us updates on where Ryan was at the festival.

However, it became clear quickly that we needed backstage access to get anywhere close to him and since we didn't have that, we sent Stephen and a very inebriated Zac to go take a photo, get an autograph, or ANYTHING and then report back to us! After waiting on them for quite some time, we had to take off to meet our ride.

Later, we met up with Stephen and some other friends and while we were out I heard that he might be out downtown, so we hurried to head out to find him. Turns out....people were already starting to use the Gosling frenzy to their advantage by posting fake updates just to mess with people like us.

It was obvious that most of the guys in Austin were NOT stoked about the fact that Ryan Gosling was in town, messing up their mojo and making all the women crazy. Many dudes I talked to seemed surprised, feeling like the Ryan Gosling fantasy for women came out of nowhere. Unfortunately for them, they just never thought to ask or pay attention to it, thinking they were safe from him ever actually invading their city. I think that if most men were listening, they would hear plenty of women (particularly in my circle) fawn over Ryan. But it seems only natural that some guys would feel jealous and their manhood threatened by having to listen to 80% of the females in Austin going gaga over the Gosling. And some couldn't care less at all, so I was not surprised to discover a lot of poutiness and jokery abound.

But like we cared what they thought. The fact is, Ryan Gosling is hot, talented, and charming. Any man can argue that with me as much as they want, but they cannot win. And it feels nice to have your heart race every once in awhile with excitement at meeting someone you swoon over, since no other man is currently providing me that opportunity or even TRYING in the least bit.

But as it turns out, the universe was feeling very giving towards me for my birthday month. (THANK GOD, because I feel like I really do deserve it. ) The same night, I'm contacted by my friend Jacob who is performing at Fun Fun Fun and he offers to give us backstage passes!

So at this point, we know a few things:

1.) I've officially become a stalker.
2.) My celebrity obsession has taken over any semblance of my normal self.
3.) We will almost DEFINITELY see Ryan Gosling tomorrow.

I'll tell you all about the glorious day in my next post! :)

I Flipped My Shtuff Over Ryan Gosling, Part 1

2011-11-08T14:33:00.001-08:00

So I would just like to openly admit that I have the crazies for Ryan Gosling. However, I did not realize just how psychotic my obsession was until this weekend, when my friends began to text me pictures of him at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin.

When I first got these messages, my heart literally raced and then immediately sank. Ryan Gosling was at Fun Fun Fun Fest, where all of my friends were and I was NOT. So my roommate and I decided our first strategy was to try and solicit insider information from our friends who were there by offering favors and first born children.

At this point, my sister-in-law shared a link to a certain blog that was actually tracking pictures of Ryan at the festival. Yes, it only took a few hours for someone to create this, a tool that fueled our fire for finding him before the weekend was over.

www.ryangoslingatfunfunfunfest.tumblr.com

I began to realize that this was only the beginning of an entire population of women in Austin freaking out over the arrival of this dreamboat in our city. I was seething with envy over the other pictures of other girls taking photos with him and posting it on this website for everyone to see. It was just one more blow to the fact that he was in the presence of my city and yet seemed so far away.....

So I continued with my Friday night plans to have a slumber party, where we played board games to get our minds off of our insanity. But it wasn't long before we were watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and mapping out a plan for the next day.

It was now officially a mission.

To be continued........

She Came From the Wasteland

2011-08-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

She came from the wasteland,

And she was dirty and poor,
begging for a glass of water

And was tightly hugging your heels,
kissing your calves, asking for your love

And when you finally gave it to her,
She drank it from your mouth

She was dancing like a fool
And smiling like a child

And she said, "thank you, thank you, thank you"
And dug her hands into the soft ground
And said, "thank you, thank you, thank you"

8/22/11

Epic

2011-08-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

The following piece of writing is dedicated to all of my Heart House children, whom I love with every single fiber of my being. You are my children, my family, and the reason I am who I am today. I will miss you every day that I do not see you, but I will always do everything I can to honor you and our special relationships.

I want to write the most epic poem for each of you,
Crafted from a heart bursting with the most love you could ever imagine
With bright imagery and allegory, but you are not yet ready
To understand the complexity of such things

I want to write the most epic story of all of us,
The castles we stormed, the gardens we grew, the travels to other worlds
With amazing metaphor and symbolism, but others are not yet ready
To understand the possibilities of our dreams

I want to write the most epic song about it all,
Composed with dynamic elements of verse and lyric
With a bridge that tugs at the listener's heartstrings, but I am not ready
To write the ending.

8/18/11

A Relationship: In 2 Parts

2011-08-17T22:14:00.001-07:00

"NO"

So we sat and talked
While I ran you in circles
Trying to get my words to
Pour from your mouth
But you didn't even flinch
As I put my arm around you
I was the one who couldn't
Look you in the eyes

(They would've been my favorite color.)

I swear I must've prayed to God
A thousand times
For a man like you
But did He know this?
Use it against me for smoking cigarettes
Under my parents' roof?

Do you recall the day it poured rain
And we just sat and stared at it?
Did you realize that you held me
So tight
I never dreamed you'd let me go,

And so now we sit and talk
And I can feel your gaze upon me
As you wrap your arm around me
And tell me,
"No."

-8/26/99

"ON HOW TO BREAK UP"

When you squeeze a smoke ring
Slightly pinch your fingers
So that the smoke slowly pulls apart
And the ring becomes two,
Creeping towards the sky
Until they have their last breath
And if,
By slight pinch
You cannot conjure the smoke to part
Blow faintly upon it
And perhaps it will become agitated
And begin to separate,
But,
Be sure that you are ready
For the chance that it might float back to you.

Since I Have Not Felt Your Presence

2011-08-17T22:11:00.002-07:00

Since I have not felt your presence in years
Imagine
To find you here
On the tip of my tongue,
I was sure I had swallowed you
Wholly,
Fully digested the salty leftovers
Of our love-
making it easier to end
You. Me. Us.
Finite
-ly
Already satiated with the regret of.

Since I have not felt your presence in years
Remind
Me of the taste of full-flavored cigarettes
Inhaled with nervousness,
Again.
To find you here,
Tightening the lungs,
Squeezing stomach muscle,
Rising upwards, brushing the heartstrings
Now inside my
Mouth, urging--
You. Me. Us.

--9/17/07

In Ships

2011-08-17T22:11:00.001-07:00

We sit here in ships
Anchored to the bottom of the ocean
Of lovers and friends
With tight grips around the heavy metal
Or iron or whatever it is
That anchors are made which make
Things difficult to pack up and go

On deck
We wait patiently
As the boat rocks gently back and forth
Like the way our bodies rock
Back and forth
Towards and away from each other
Gently

For some reason, we cannot move
Any longer
Not towards land and not farther
In this sea
I'm contemplating violently throwing things over
Board
Maybe even you
Because it feels too heavy
This ship
These bodies
This metal (or is it iron?) anchor
These things on my mind

We sit here in ships
Held fast and tight
Unlike the way that you we have ever held
Hands
We sit here in ships
Chained to the lovers and friends
Content to let ourselves rock gently
Unlike the way our hearts rock
Nervously

You are seated next to me
Compass in hand,
Map laid out on our laps
As if we ever had a way of finding our final destination.

8/13/08

Quietly (but not so quietly)

2011-08-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

Quietly (but not so quietly),
In a chair with legs propped up
Hands folded calmly (but not so calmly) across the lap,
Perhaps I should start by explaining this--

I talk
alot.

Quietly (but not so quitely)
The story begins with you and I
Summer night air
Thick with anxious questions
Perhaps I should start by saying this--

I am not
mysterious.

Quietly (but not so quietly)
I wonder what you are thinking
Because you are not
Saying anything
Perhaps I should end by stating this--

You are
lovely.

8/24/08

March 9th, 2010

2011-08-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

Please don't call me
Don't even say my name
In conversation with some friends of yours
I know you'll reach for your phone
And think about pressing the buttons
But I won't answer

No I won't answer
Because you can't answer me

Please don't write me
Don't even start the letter
On some scratch paper by your computer
I know you'll reach for your pencil
As you're searching for the words
But I won't read it

No I won't read it
Because you won't answer me

These sad songs I have on shuffle
Help me get through the day
They give me the words I need to hear
That you broke me
And you're sorry
And you wish you had me back
But I won't take you

No I won't take you
Because you wouldn't answer me

Answer me when I looked into your nervous eyes
Answer me when I searched for your hand in mine
Answer me when I showed up at your doorstep
And saw her with you inside

I won't answer
And I won't read it
And I won't take you

I'm not angry anymore
I've got nothing left to say
I finally found my answer
It's gonna be hard
But I'm going my own way

Come Over/How I Wasted Time

2011-08-17T21:57:00.001-07:00

When you come over
When you place your hand
Moving in a circular rhythm down my back
I find it very difficult to say no
To say let’s leave it alone
I know, but I invited you over

When I come over
When I lay my head
Resting on your shoulder slowly
I find it very difficult to let go
To say this is not enough
I know it’s not, but I come over

I know you are about to turn your face towards mine
You know our lips will meet electrically
We will breathe in and out together
Both of our bodies shaking slightly in nervousness
We find it very difficult to not want this
To say that we are scared and lonely

When we sit there for the first moments
Thinking of the scene that is about to unfold:
Mouths, hands, legs, hands
We find it difficult to stop
To say no
To let go
To not want this

Come over.

1/5/11

Sometime between Jan 15th and now I fell in love with Queen

2011-02-01T22:31:00.001-08:00

BAM. It hit me out of nowhere. Kind of like someone who has been a good friend for awhile, you have fond memories with them, they make your life fun....and then one day you begin to feel something inside of you that transcends friendship. It's a new feeling. Oh shit....it's LOVE.

And then you realize....it's been them all along. How did you never see it before? How could you be so blind? They are so amazing and wonderful! When you think of life without them, you can already imagine this hole in your heart.

Yes, this is what has happened to me. Queen had been on my mind lately. I found myself choosing Queen songs during karaoke happy hours. I found myself searching for YouTube videos. I started requesting to hear Queen wherever I went.

And I woke up Sunday morning and knew...I was madly in love with Queen. What's a girl to do? Lord, someone help me because I anticipate that this could turn into something obsessive and emotionally complicated.

Mawwage

2011-02-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

I have been asked to marry my friends in September. They are going to pay to have me ordained online. I am THRILLED beyond belief.

People want me to freakin' marry them!

Oh man, they must really trust me on this one....

So if you or anyone you know is getting married in the next year, let me know. I can make this happen for you too. :)

In the Year 2000.....and 11.

2011-01-02T10:29:00.001-08:00

If the past few days are any indication of what 2011 has in store for me, I am pretty stoked. As I reflect on 2010, I am reminded that I learned some very important life lessons, particularly revolving around "letting go". Letting go of unhealthy friendships, letting go of unrequited love, letting go of grudges and anger, and letting go of over planning my life.

I am incredibly thankful to the past year for allowing me to experience some of the toughest challenges and treasured moments of my life.

So as I enter 2011 and experience the last year of my 20s, these are the goals I have set for myself:

1.) Have my credit card and car debt paid off by my 30th birthday.
2.) Volunteer for a good cause.
3.) Travel to 3 new places outside of Austin.
4.) Participate in a "fun" or "educational" class.
5.) Create a "collection" of self-expression: a book, CD, video, etc.

I am sooo looking forward to this year! What about you??

Things I Have Learned This Month..

2010-11-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

1.) I want to be a "page turner". I want to learn how to share appropriately and in measured doses so that I am not giving away all the characters, plot and settings too soon. This, in turn, will make me more excited to live my life more spontaneously, less concerned about having it all figured out.

2.) I do not need to "sell" myself. It sounded so harsh when my counselor first helped me realize this character trait about myself. But the truest things are often the hardest to hear. And she hit the nail on the head with that one. Why do I try so hard to show people how cool I am instead of just BEING completely relaxed in expressing myself in the moment and not being so concerned with what they think of me? It's a form of aggressive expression in a way. "Here....I want you to know ALL about me RIGHT NOW...so you can see all of these wonderful qualities about me and why you should date/befriend/buy me a drink!"

3.) I CAN flirt! Whew...what a relief. I thought I was a goner on that one...

4.) My professional career is calling me to great responsibility and action. There are amazing leadership opportunities in the horizon and I need to strongly consider and define my role as a leader in the youth development field. Again, I need to evaluate my own personal agenda/goal/judgments of myself versus the greater good of the afterschool community and my peers. This is a pivotal, exciting, courageous and truth-seeking time in my career.

5.) I have found the meaning of "calm". It has taken shape in many wonderful forms this month---listening to records on my friend's couch, writing out positive life affirmations, ignoring phone calls and messages, regular massages....I cannot tell you how long it has been since I was comfortable and capable of enjoying moments of solitude, silence, or meditation. I am creating a balance in my life between all of the super exciting fun things I like to do and the recharging, relaxing, introspective moments I need to re-energize. It's a breakthrough really.....me staying at home more, letting go of trying to juggle a ridiculous amount of friendships, sitting with myself and really focusing on making myself peaceful and healthy.

Just around the corner from my 29th birthday....I feel like I am in an incredibly exciting place in my life. The best I have been ever. I look forward to continued growth, development, and FUN as I near 30. Wow, I just never imagined that I could be where I am right now. :)

Life Story

2010-11-13T00:46:00.001-08:00

I want to be a novel, not a short story.

Mixed Tape

2010-11-13T00:19:00.000-08:00

I searched for you everywhere

In boxes on the highest shelves
I stood on a chair with wheels
Making little jumps, hands
Reached out to pull you down

And those boxes,
I tore violently at the edges
Ripping up perfectly taped seals
I never thought I would break

Again

Sixteenth birthday party
Turning, turning, turning
In my mind
I wanted nothing more than to listen to
your specific sequence of songs

To read that handwritten label
Listing a carefully planned process
That someone (I) went through to make you
To make you so awesome

And as I quickly cut the tape
Flung the cardboard flaps open,
I figuratively crossed my fingers that you
Would be there Waiting for me--

Songs of so called friends-
First cigarette behind 7-11
Stoners looking through dirty magazines
while they are assured me
That smoking is cool

Songs of first loves-
Snow on the balcony
When he kissed me,
With a salivating tongue
And a gentle hand in my hair

Songs from akward dances-
Fairly certainly feeling boners
On my upper thigh as I danced with guys
,blushing at the thought of
What we would all look like naked

Musical metaphor and melodic angst,
when I find you, I will finally be able
To let go,

Let everything go.

Secrets

2010-11-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I try really hard to post about thoughts and experiences that are more raw, but I am afraid to expose people and secrets. The strange thing is that this is MY blog and while I am well aware that I should use it as I like, I still cannot bring myself to write about a few of the things that are most on my mind. I worry about the unfortunate event of people visiting my page to find themselves exposed as well because it would still be obvious, even if I tried to cleverly rename them. Not to mention the fact that it exposes me...and well, while I may be quite the open book, there are still things that are very challenging for me to share. And so for now, they stay inside. But know that I am working towards sharing them proudly and openly one day soon.

Swede vs. Non-Swede: How We Roll

2010-10-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

This month, one of my favorite people came to visit Austin for the month. Her name is Sarah and she was the first Swedish person I ever met. Sarah has taught me alot about Sweden--everything from the crazy crap they eat to their governing system. She has a magnetic quality about her, something that intrigues everyone. I find all of my friends immediately engaged in asking her about her life. It's as if they never knew that Swedish people existed! I LOVE listening to her tell stories--funny, outrageous, enlightening, and empowering.

Therefore, I came up with this wonderful idea for an advice/opinion blog called "Swede vs. Non-Swede".

You see, even though Sarah and I have a pretty amazing friendship, we also have our own unique perspective on things, often influenced by our cultural and regional upbringing. Sometimes she is dumbfounded by the way that "Americans" live and act and likewise, I was surprised to find out that she doesn't have a movie theater in her "willage" (village, but that's how she says it) and the last time she went to see a movie was over a year ago. See.....we live our separate lives, have our own experiences and influences, and enjoy sharing these with each other and the world.

I asked my Facebook community to ask questions, advice and propose topics for discussion. We had a great response and so we will be breaking up our conversations into separate blog posts.

Without further ado, here is the first installment!

HOW WE ROLL: Personalities & Lifestyle

Question: Do you believe a person's name has any effect on their personality?

Sarah: Not at all. A name is just a name. It's something your parents gave to you. Of course it depends on how strong of an identity you have. If you're kind of shy and having a hard time socializing with people, then I feel like people begin to associate your name with you. So no, I feel that a name is just a name. I love the Indian names. "Sarah, the Girl with the blonde hair who is here to cheer us up"...if that was my name, then yeah..but I'm just (wanders off in thought)....cause I mean like 150-200 years ago in Sweden, it would still be that you got your parents name, you know? So it was also a kind of identity marker back then when there was so few people. But today, a name doesn't say anything.

Monica: Well, I do find it interesting that I can have strong reactions to people's names and sometimes find myself judging them based on other people's personalities with that name. For example, I tend to hate Johns because most of the Johns I know are egotistical alpha males...and maybe a guy named also terribly broke my heart a few years back, so I kind of shy away from hanging out with Johns. Here's what I think: People form strong attachments to names of people who were significant in their lives. So it's not that a person's name influences their own personality, but rather, the people they know influence their perception of them. I feel like I am trying to communicate this while I am on drugs. Hope you are staying with me on this one.....You know what would be unfortunate? If you had a really kick-ass name like Sunbeam but you were actually a huge ass.

Question: Do you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

Sarah: I do, but it's just that we don't eat that much peanut butter, so for me peanut butter is this thing that is just taking over your mouth. But with the jam, it just goes down, so with the sweetness of the jam, it makes the peanut butter eatable. I do love peanut butter, but not by myself. It's "gum glued" food. Like some special kind of wines are "gum glued" wines. You know that feeling?

Monica: I feel so unAmerican for saying this, but I do not like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that much at all. I feel like I spend way too long trying to get the peanut butter down my throat and the smacking sound that it makes really bothers me. HOWEVER, I would be more enthusiastic about eating a sandwich that has the crunchy peanut butter because I do enjoy whole nuts.

Question: What does rock music sound like in Sweden?

Sarah: Can I just paste a link to a Metallica song played from a Swedish computer? That must be Swedish rock music. Hahahaha. Here are some music groups you should listen to: Hellacopters, Moneybrother, and of course, the Hives. That is Swedish rock. Swedish rock sounds alot..it's just got this cool rock sound. Swedish music sounds COOOOOL, okay?

Monica: An ex-boyfriend of mine introduced me to a band called "The Sounds" years back and I really dug them. Then I met Sarah and she informed me that they are in fact, a Swedish band. Soooo...."I really like this rock band" + "This band is Swedish"="I really like this Swedish rock band". Therefore, Swedish rock (the very little I know about it) is pretty cool. In fact, we've posted some Swedish rock for your listening pleasure! Just like American rock, there are many genres and sounds across the spectrum, but here is a diverse sampling.

Hellacopters:"I'm in the Band"

The Sounds: "Painted by Numbers"

Moneybrother: "It's Been Hurting all the Way with you Joanna"

Oh and let's not forget THESE AWESOME SWEDISH ROCKERS..

Roxette: "The Look"

Okay, that's it for this time. Check back soon for the next installment of Swede vs. Non-Swede.

I'm Sitting Pretty

2010-10-18T19:05:00.001-07:00

I am here to share with you all what has undoubtedly been the best month of my life all year....possibly years. If you've been around me lately, you may even have had the urge to gag a little with my incessant purring over how awesome my life is right now...and is continuing to be.

I was lying here on my bed tonight, listening to some of my favorite music, reflecting on how hard I have worked to get myself and my life to this place of abundance and fulfillment. I have always thought of myself as a fortunate and happy person, optimistic about life's adventure. And I know that even when everything seems to be perfect, it is not about obtaining perfectionism...it is about truth seeking, personal growth and development, and the pursuit of passion, knowledge and experience.

So what is all this mumbo jumbo about exactly?

First of all, it starts with a job promotion. Last month I became the Director of Education for Heart House. Hopefully, you know that I have been working there for over 5 years now and I have a true passion for the work that I do to impact the lives of the youth in our afterschool and summer programs. I really hope you all know how much my work means to me. If you don't, you will learn soon enough that it is paramount to who I am as a person--what motivates me, what excites me, what fulfills me. So earlier this year, our Founder offers me the amazing opportunity to create a NEW job for myself....and the Director of Education was born. Not only did I receive the opportunity to write my own job description and performance plan, but I also received a very generous salary increase. Oh, and did I mention that I work from home now? Yeah....so as you can see, my new job began to open many new doors for me.

The first door it opened was time at home. OMG, I have ALL this time now to work and do other things. I cannot express to you how awesome it is to be able to do laundry while working, or to be able to take my dog Jack on regular walks in between working sessions. Or how I can make a healthier lunch for myself and savor my food, instead of scarfing down Whataburger in 20 minutes to make it back to work on time. I actually have TIME. Sweet, productive, uninterrupted time. I feel like I will be able to accomplish so much more, feel balanced, rested, calm. Can you imagine....CALM??

And I hate to say it buuuuttt......I have boatloads of money now! I just can't believe that I am going to be financially well off for a long while. And as much as money can be the root of all evil, um, it can also provide many much needed opportunities.....like getting out of debt, a mental health and well being plan, a bicycle, nice new professional work clothes, a trip to NYC to see my brothers.....and so on and so forth. Don't worry, I won't squander it all....because what I am most excited for with my new found financial security is the creation of a substantial savings account! That's right...I'm 29 and will finally have a savings account with a balance of more than $20.

And I've made some major breakthroughs in my counseling sessions regarding my working and personal relationships. I've finally let go of the people and personal habits that are preventing me from pursuing healthy, mutually respectful and loving relationships. I feel completely capable of setting boundaries with others, communicating honestly, and sharing my thoughts and feelings. I FINALLY understand and can apply healthy dating habits that do not involve hiding feelings, masking intentions, giving without receiving, and settling for mediocre. I am happy to report that I can successfully flirt now! I feel like I just put on a new pair of glasses and can see my life and personal relationships in a completely new, fresh and exciting way!

Amidst of all these goings on, I have learned some AMAZING things about myself.

I have learned what it feels like to find the calm in my life.
I have learned to sit and listen to music and contemplate.
I have learned how to have a healthier lifestyle.
I have learned how to have a better bond with my dog.
I have learned how to let go.
I have learned to say "No".
I have learned to truly love myself.
I have learned how to dress better.
I have learned how to ride a bicycle.

I am incredibly grateful for this feeling of abundance that has washed over me. I cannot wait for the rest of what this "newness" will bring!

Fleetwood Mac's "The Dance"

2010-10-06T23:03:00.001-07:00

I hope that in heaven, Fleetwood Mac's emotionally honest, electric and palpable live performance called "The Dance" plays on a loop for eternity.

This concert viewing also has incredibly sentimental value for me because the first time I watched it was with a dear friend of mine, Drew. When I met Drew years ago, I knew I liked Fleetwood Mac, based on....oh...the only 3 songs of theirs I had ever heard. After nights of listening to FM albums and sharing CDs, I truly came into my FM fandom. He cultivated a true appreciation and endearment for them and it is something we have shared together ever since, including a very special place in my heart for this song:

The first time I watched "The Dance" with Drew, it felt magical.....like in a really geeky way. Like I wanted to slowly rock my hands back and forth in the air, eyes closed, loudly singing along to songs that are somehow about my life, like they predicted my lifetime and wrote songs just for me. Yeah...like THAT kind of magic.

We watched it again the other night. It totally pulls on my heartstrings, in a really vulnerable and therapeutic way. It's great for heartaches, hard crushes, and self-discovery.

I would just like to state for the record that this is the song you should sing to me when we get married.

And if it's unlikely that you and I are going to get married, then you can sing it to me on a voicemail at 1am, on any future birthday, or when it's time to sing those "let's get really drunk and sappy" songs at karaoke. I mean honestly, if you need to deliver some REALLY bad news to me too.....go with "Songbird". It hits the spot just right every time.

In conclusion, I highly recommend everyone watch "The Dance" at least 10 times. At least. And watch these videos as supporting evidence.

Special thanks to Drew Walters for making my insanely special love for Fleetwood Mac possible.

Watched Pot

2010-10-02T01:19:00.000-07:00

A watched pot NEVER boils.

For reals.

Portrait of a Monica Girl

2010-09-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

Hey, thought I would post this photo. This is what I look like now, in case you see me walking down the street or in a bar. You'll know for sure it's me. :)

Music Gems

2010-09-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have chosen to spotlight some songs I think you should all add to your current playlists.

Brazos: "Tell"--An Austin based band who has quickly infiltrated my favorites list.

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros: "Home"--Heard this song last night at the clurb. Amazeballs.

Dead Man's Bones: "Lose Your Soul"--Um, Ryan Gosling has a band and it's actually really stellar.....as if I need any more reasons to drool over him like a 13 year old teenager.

La Roux: "Quicksand"--I heard she talks trash about Lady Gaga. I smell an awesome theatrical electro-pop fight. Also, I highly encourage you create a "La Roux" Pandora radio station.

Matt and Kim: "Daylight"--They are REALLY nice people in person to boot. I want them to be my friends soooo bad.

YACHT: "Psychic City"--OMG, Travis and I started a band (to be debuted in November) all because of watching this group perform at SXSW.

Jeremy Jay: "Just Dial My Number"

Mumford and Sons: "The Cave"

Sleigh Bells: "Ring Ring"

Haiku #1

2010-09-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

Tornado warning
Crap! I'm in the drive thru line
Wait for fries or go?

-Inspired by the crazy weather today

Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

2010-09-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

Some Facebook friends posted the following questions for me to answer. I want you to know that some of these questions actually required me to go deep within myself for the best answer. I applaud you for your creative and inquisitive questioning skills. Get excited, because you are about to learn EVEN MORE about me!

Q: Where is your favorite place in the world to be?
A: When I was attempting to answer this one, I found myself continually changing my mind. I had this REALLY confusing inner dialogue bouncing around in all directions, saying things like "on vacation! no....the dance floor. Yeah, the dance floor! wait....or is it, like a place with a specific person like my best friend? or with my dog? DAMMIT. " Seriously, my answers started getting insanely specific like "with a really hot guy on a Saturday night after a long night of laughing really hard and drinking alot of Malibu". This deliberation went on quite some time before I took some deep breaths, focused my thoughts......sat with it until I could categorize and compartmentalize no more....and finally to come to the conclusion.....are you ready for it? So my FINAL answer is that my favorite place in the world to be is.....

Riding a rollercoaster--it's the most exhilarated I ever feel and it's probably the funniest thing you will ever witness because I literally laugh like a psychopath, and it starts exactly when the ride starts, not when it drops or loops, but waaaaay before anything actually happens. Oh, and then I yell obscenities as a way to feel "aggressively in control" of the situation. And then the most beautiful thing happens.....the ride finishes and I realize that I stopped being terrified long ago and actually feel a wonderful rush of "life", an enormous sense of accomplishment and immediately want to ride it again.....well.....MOST rides. it constantly challenges me in a way that most other things in life don't.

Q: If you were a fruit or vegetable, which would you be and why?
First of all, if you are asking whether I would be a fruit or vegetable in general, the answer is most definitely a fruit. More specifically, I would be raspberry. You wanna know why? Because a raspberry is a wonderful combination of sweet and tart, and it even has through strange little furry things on it, and well.....I think that these characteristics are alot like me. Plus, raspberries make excellent flavored smoothies and can be mixed with other berries for a delightful medley. AND you can put them on your fingers and have special puppet shows when you have small fingers like me!

Q: If you were reincarnated, what would you want to come back as?
A: WOW, you guys are honestly making me soul search here. However, I appreciate the time to truly reflect on my life, my purpose, and my values. So thanks for that. Okay, so what would I want to come back as? I want to be a cat. I would be able to just sit around, lick myself, play with toys when I felt like it, and "do what I want". Oh, and I would be thrilled to be able to do that kneading thing they do on people. I would do that all the time! Even though I love love love dogs, I am more like a cat in real life. Whenever I go my friend's house and observe his cat, it reinforces the fact that the is the life I would secretly crave if I were given the chance to live as something else.

Q: Why are you so so awesome?
A: Well, I've spent many years perfecting my craft at being "awesome" but I would say that I am so awesome because of the people who have touched and impacted my life. These would be a handful of people who played major roles in shaping my character and values and cultivating my talents. My parents were incredibly supportive people who taught me to go after what I wanted, even if it was the road less traveled. They reinforced the importance of pursuing my passions instead of money or what others expected. So there's that. And then I had some truly amazing teachers who saw my skill and potential and nurtured these until I was vibrating with a wealth of creativity, motivation, and curiosity. They were the ones who helped me identify my career interests and goals and my enthusiasm for learning and teaching. Way to go teachers! And let's not forget my friends....who embraced all of the quirks, chaos, and interests that began to spring out of me once I truly came into my adulthood. I can't imagine what it must've been like to know me in my early 20s because I was bursting at the seams with unending energy, enthusiasm and a newly discovered need for an audience to entertain. But the best friends over the years have been instrumental in influencing the way I connect with others, inspiring me with their own creativeness and passion and supporting me in my growth and development. My friends make my life special. And then, there's my dog Jack. Jack is definitely a reason why I am so awesome. Because God knows he tested every single boundary with me when he was a puppy, and he required that I do better than my best to be a good mother. He is also super cute, and even though I didn't make him (duh), by association, his cuteness makes me even cooler....as if I had something to do with how cool he is. I mean, he totally rocks the coolness without me. :) I appreciate that you think I am awesome and I have worked very hard to be the most true self I can.....and I can't wait to do even more with my life to make a difference in the world like all of these people have done for me!

Q: What's up with stuff?
A: Alright, I have two answers to this question.

First, what IS up with stuff? I mean stuff is everywhere. It clutters are life and world. I mean, Wal-Mart should just be called Stuff-Mart because it's just filled with all kinds of stuff. Mainly cheap, which is why I like it....but seriously, if there was a class about "stuff", then a field study would be at Wal-Mart. Also, my house is full of stuff, and it's finally starting to bother me.

Secondly, as far as what's up with stuff like my life...well, there is lots of stuff going on. Work is running my life right now even though I am struggling not to let it. However, I did just get a promotion, so that makes the payoff sweeter. My karaoke team just won the summer karaoke league competition at Ego's in Austin. I just reorganized my room. I got a new haircut that is pretty rad. I started writing on my blog again. I've been making lists obsessively to attempt to prioritize my life. Like, LOTS of lists. I'm having a hard time downloading the driver software for my new printer at home. Want to help me with that? What else?...I'm super excited to start working on a musical project with one of my best friends. It's going to be called Piranha Kids Club and it will be very B-52s inspired electro-pop goodness. Someone should just go ahead and start passing around band buttons. My right hip is literally covered in bruises because I keep running into the edge of my bed....because I reorganized my room and apparently cannot remember where the edge of my bed is now.

Meerkat!

2010-09-02T22:38:00.000-07:00

I used to write for this cool online webzine....

2010-08-29T21:18:00.001-07:00

Did you know that I had a brief love affair with an online webzine? Yes, it's true.

For a few months back in 2009, I had a weekly date with the Loco Nunca crew in Austin.

I quit because............why DID I quit? Oh yeah, because they were super disorganized at group meetings and I was really busy at the time and in a hurry to get things accomplished. I hope that if any of them ever happen on this blog post, they will not be offended because honestly, they are all incredibly talented and creative artists and writers and I am thankful that they accepted me into their group.

You'll get hooked into their world of indulgence, angst, and anger here: www.loconunca.com

And if you'd like to read the few things I ever wrote for Loco Nunca, please check them out below. I wrote under the pen name "Nikki Bonzai". This name came about when my friend and I decided that the best combination to figure out your porn name is your middle name and favorite tree. At least, that formula worked out better for me than any others, so it stuck with me and I was eager to use it in real life... Enough on the pen name, read here:

"Choose Your Own Adult Adventures"
"To You, Who Will Never Read This"

Their website is witty and emotionally charged, full of sass and sex and strong opinions on everything from hangover food to political figureheads.

Here are just a few of my favorite articles:

Say Girl, What's Your Night?
The Girl Crush
A Decade in Douchebags
Pit Stop: A Rundown of Austin's Restrooms

Hedgehog Hotties

2010-08-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

OMG, this is too much for me to handle right now. Are these even real? There's no way anything this cute exists. :)

In the Space Between

2010-08-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

In the Space Between

You seem to fit perfectly in the space between

The left ear

and crevice of the neck

Warm breath tickling,

Goosebumps rise quickly

Arm hooked over, cradling

Insecurities.

You seem to fit perfectly in the space between

Swollen breast

Swollen breast and smooth torso

Wisps of your hair scattered across my chest,

Hand splayed across the belly, calming

Nervousness.

You seem to fit perfectly in the space between

Shoulder blade

And curled up thigh

Lips puckered and asleep against my freckles,

Leg meeting mine, warming

Loneliness.

Baby Bunny

2010-08-22T23:31:00.000-07:00

What You Can Expect from My Blog This Year

2010-08-22T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I've decided to blog again....for real! Not only that, but I just spent an hour reorganizing the layout of my blog. Some things to note are the awesome new template (ooohhh.....ahhh....) and the "Topics for Discussion".

Okay, so here's what I decided to do--categorize my shit to make it easier and more fun for BOTH of us. I will be posting stuff on the regs in these areas. Read below for descriptions:

That's Gross: You guessed it....these posts are about nasty, gross, unsightly things. You know, the kind of stuff you guys are always making fun of me for talking about so much

Travels: I know I don't do a whole lot of traveling, but this year I plan to change my sedentary ways.

Monica Reviews Stuff: Books, Movies, Music, Restaraunts. I think my opinion matters!

Alter Egos: I have many. Get to know them.

Lessons Learned: ALOT. I have learned alot.

I Love Lists: OMG, I can't wait to share my lists with you all!

Adventure Club: Fun things I do to keep my life exciting, curious, and adventurous.

Baby Animals: Who doesn't like baby animals? Look forward to some of the cutest damn babies you've ever seen! It's gonna rain baby animals on my blog. :)

Geeking Out: Everyone knows I'm a dork....this is where you get to experience some of my nerdiest moments.

Heart and Soul: Did you know I write poetry? Well, I do. And this is the place where you can find that....and other heartfelt sentiments. I know I like to act funny most of the time, but there really is some serious shit going on in my mind.

Random Ramblings: You got it.....random.

I am so excited to be excited about this blog again! Please check it on the daily. :)

Mama's Got a Brand New Bag!

2009-06-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

Hey guess what fools? I'm back at blogging with some fresh thoughts and a fresh new look.

I have not posted in months and while I could make up many excuses why, it really does not matter. What DOES matter is that I have decided to return to my faithful readers (all 7 of you I believe) and hopefully recruit a few more so that I may once again have a fun and healthy release of my regular thoughts.

Don't you wish your girlfriend had a blog like me? Dontcha.

So what to begin with.....

How about the last 5 things I did that made me smile. Awwwww, now isn't that a great place to start? I think so.

(In no particular order)

1. I won my regional qualifying round in Austin Air Guitar....which earned me $100, an awestruck crowd, and a spot in regionals TONIGHT at the Parish! Here's a video. Watch it.

2. My friend Drew and I signed up for swing classes. We had our first lesson on Tuesday. And minus a few older dudes with some bad beer breath, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

3. A good ol' friend of mine reappeared in my life after almost a year of being absent. A phone call from him almost brought me tears of joy. I am excited to see him for sushi next week!

4. I learned how to ask for what I want and (fingers crossed) possibly get it. Sweet, huh? I have discovered the key to happiness. Well, besides the other key, which gets me into my house everyday.

5. I formed a karaoke team which begins competing in the Austin Karaoke League next month! Our team is called SHY and includes a bunch of good friends and new ones who all shine in their own special ways. I can't wait to tear a new one into the competition this summer!

And so there are some rays of sunshine in my life keeping it bright. But right now, the brightness of my lamp is causing me a slight headache, so I will be signing off.

So glad to be back here. :)

Did you know?

2009-03-09T20:44:00.001-07:00

Did you know:

.....that the longest recorded projectile vomit is 27 feet?
.....the slowest fish is the Sea Horse, which moves along at about 0.016 km/h (0.01 mph)?
.....the harmonica is the world's best-selling music instrument?
.....Leonardo da Vinci never built the inventions he designed?
.....Charlie Sheen's real names is Carlos Estevez?
.....India is the world's largest democracy with more than 600 million voters?
.....Peter the Great taxed people for growing beards? (Strangely, I'm on board with Peter.)
.....there is a bird called Antpitta avis canis Ridgely that barks?
.....the fear of clowns is called coulrophobia?

go here: www.didyouknow.org

incredibly educational and informative.

FOUND: Halloween Photo

2009-02-21T17:57:00.000-08:00

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. After every Halloween, I immediately start planning costumes for the next one. Well, this past Halloween was a series of unfortunate events. It began with the onset of the flu. Despite the illness, I carried on.....spending 2 hours to prepare for my most elaborate Halloween costume to-date--Smurfette. 2 hours of smearing blue body paint ALL OVER myself. I finally made it to the party only to continue to feel more sick. With no camera of my own to capture all of the wonderful costumes and festivities, I relied on others' photos to be MySpaced and Facebooked to me in the coming days. But then I passed out in my friend's guest bedroom in the middle of the party and was later informed that my friend (who had been taking all of the photos that night) had mistakenly erased her entire memory card.

So then I was left sick, sad, and without any proof that I was indeed once Smurfette.

UNTIL NOW......when perusing through my computer files, I realized that I had captured a few shots of myself on my webcam before leaving my house.

This may not make your day, but it sure made mine!

When BAD things happen to talented celebrities......

2009-02-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

Now I normally don't follow celebrity gossip, but somehow I stumbled upon this interview between Joaquin Phoenix and David Letterman:

Which immediately led me to want to know more about what the hell is up with Joaquin. Which then led me to this article and these videos:

"Watch Joaquin's Hip-Hop Trip"
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/usa/article2144646.ece

And now I am sitting here literally dumbfounded. I'm not sure what just happened. True, I don't "pal around" with Joaquin Phoenix. I have no right to judge him. But really quickly, I AM going to judge him.......wtf?

I LOVE Lists

2009-02-11T19:47:00.001-08:00

For some reason, I have always been a fan of lists. Perhaps because I am visual person and enjoy seeing things laid out. Perhaps because it helps me bring some much needed organization into my life. It is actually the one and only way I am good at organizing. God knows one look in my bedroom, car, or office and you'll understand. Regardless, I have decided that lists are awesome because they are quick, easy to read, and are a row by row account of interesting and important details.

So here's a list I made right now to share with you:

TOP 10 SKILLS I WISH I HAD (in no particular order):

1. I wish I knew how to sew. Like I could go shop for those dorky patterns and make myself my own little costume or dress. Or hem pants, because they are never the right length for a short girl like me.

2. I wish I knew how to use a bow and arrow. I can think of so many times when it would be hilarious to bust it out.

3. I wish I could speak another language fluently. I've always wanted to be able to have secret conversations with other people who knew another language so we could say whatever we wanted and nobody else would have a clue.

4. I wish I could do a backflip. Anytime, anywhere, onto or off of anything.

5. I wish I REALLY knew how to do laundry....without having to look at the instructions inside the washer lid everytime.

6. I have always wanted to be able to play the guitar. Now an air guitar, I got on lockdown. A real guitar though.....that's a whole other ball game.

7. I wish I could lie well. I know that this is not necessarily the most virtuous skill, but it would really come in handy sometimes.

8. I wish I knew how to create and keep and budget, knew anything about investments, knew anything about finances.

9. I honestly would like to be able to say that I have mad breakdancing skills.

10. I'm not sure exactly what you call this skill---but it consists of being able to use a bit more censorship in what I say and to whom. Sometimes I have word vomit and it causes a mean hangover.

9 Hours of Solitude

2009-02-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, I decided to participate in a marathon viewing of "Dexter". This should come as no surprise to you if you read my previous post.

Well, after watching 9 consecutive hours of Dexter and his search for normalcy, human experience, and meaning.......it really caused me to deeply reflect on some of these issues myself.

Strange to consider that Dexter is showing me much more insight than I ever thought possible. I suppose it's because as an outsider, he notices the all the small things that make people truly human. He has spent most of his life studying the nuances and "ways" of people in order to wear a more convincingly human mask. And so he is on a constantly confusing and curious path to understand himself and others around him.

But it does help you look at your life from a fresh perspective. And that is what 9 hours of solitude on Saturday gave to me.

(Although it did also make me a bit socially strange as well. I mean after a full day of serial killers and the search for "humanness", I felt overwhelmed and awkward.)

Obsessive Personality Disorder

2009-02-04T10:49:00.001-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to approach my interests in an obsessive manner. Once I'm into something, I'm waist deep in it to win it. I am completely unable to
"savor" anything over extended amounts of time. So it's like this: It all started with "Lost". I got so into it that I watched all 2 seasons in a matter of weeks so that I could be caught up for season 3 last year. Then, last fall, I heard about the "Thrill the World" event (which you can read about in previous blogs) and it was like Thriller, Thriller, Thriller---all the time, everywhere. Zombies, brains, more brains, etc. Then someone introduced me to the Twilight series, which I read in a matter of 2 weeks.....totally into vampires forever. I'm wrapping up the 7th book of the Sookie Stackhouse series and have already watched the entire first season of its TV adaptation called "True Blood". Keep in mind that this means I have read 3 Twilight books, 6 Sookie Stackhouse books and watched 12 episodes of "True Blood" since December. I knew that I would soon run out of vampire thrills, so naturally, it felt like time to move onto something new. I decided to check out a show called "Dexter". And now, I'm officially hooked. Hook, line, sinker. I watched 5 episodes the other night.

It's just like when you REALLY like music and that same damn CD stays in your player for weeks.

I wish that I was able to slow down. Take it easy. Enjoy little morsels over time. I'm afraid that will never be the case though.

And now I notice that my obsessions (interests) are becoming darker in nature.....which worries me. Zombies, vampires, and serial killers. I mean, seriously, what's next? I feel like I need to start at the opposite end of the spectrum. Watch out unicorns.....I'm coming for you.

"Her Morning Elegance"

2009-02-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

A truly fantastic piece of work:

This is what I imagine my dream-life to resemble one day.

The Return of Lost!

2009-01-21T21:51:00.000-08:00

If you're a lost fanatic like me, then you have been anxiously awaiting the season 4 premiere since, I don't know.............like a year already. As I sat there counting down the minutes until 8pm, I realized, "It has begun." And what I mean, is that whenever "Lost" is in season, I feel like my crazies come out. So I thought I'd start off the season with a tribute to that obsessed side of me.....and moreover, reassure myself that it could be waayyy worse than it is now.

I may be really into "Lost", but at least I haven't:

1.) Charted out the relationship of all of the characters on a poster hanging in my house. Umm, they already have one of them posted on the ABC website.
2.) Started seeking out friendships with people who share the same names as the Oceanic 6. I feel satisfied enough that my dog is named "Jack".
3.) Purchased any "Lost" gear--bedsheets, notebooks, pillow cases, mugs, etc. It reminds me too much of all of my teenage girl friends who had New Kids on the Block sleeping bags and curtains. Ick.
4.) Accidentally shouted out "Jack!" in the middle of special moment with someone. (References to my dog are not counted here.)
5.) Had a "Lost" theme party---although, I'm seriously considering this one.
6.) Denied my addiction to my friends and family. I've actually been incredibly straightforward about it.
5.) Wrote a song which acted as a recap to the first 3 seasons. OKAY, maybe I HAVE done this one....)

I mean, the bottom is line is that this show really is thoughtfully and ingeniously crafted to keep you on your toes at all times. Sure, it's turned a little weird and sci-fi. Sure, if you miss an episode you miss a crapload of information. I stepped out for a cigarette an apparently missed some very vital information in about 3 minutes.

Here's to "Lost". I'm not gonna lie....my affection for this show can get a little wacky.

Gambling on a Fart

2009-01-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, so perusing through Missed Connection today, I found this. It's wonderful:

They used to call you Cadillac Devillez

Don't Miss Out on a Missed Connection

2009-01-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

So those of you who know about Craigslist (and that should be everyone) may or may not be aware of this section called "Missed Connections". Well, it's just a perfect little gem of a place where people send out their messages of hope, love, and wishful thinking to people they have lost touch with or haven't even actually formally met yet.

Anway, shall I turn your attention to some of my favorite postings in Austin that I found this evening?

There's a good mix of everything in these postings--sadness, affection, regret, hope, humor, bitterness, and awkwardness.

I am drawn to the pure honesty that seeps from their words when allowed to post anonymously and secretly. It's a truly touching look into our basic needs to feel connected to others.

Bongo Drum Player
Looking for the man that tied me to the bed
I miss people I've never even met
Kevin who says I'm sorry on 6th
I'm still steeping
In need of a lent roller
You're making a mistake
We kissed, you farted
It's been so long since you've waved to me
You like "gardening" (NOTE: I am still pondering exactly what "gardening" might refer to)
A Eulogy for You
ass hole that stole HALF of my computer desk from my truck

And of course, there is always wishful thinking:

Monica
To M from J
to M
I am a deeply flawed man

Projectile Vomitting is sooo not fun.

2009-01-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

After spending this morning uncontrollably vomiting last night's meal, I have vowed the following:

1.) I will always have a spare bottle of Pepto in my medicine cabinet.
2.) I will form healthy eating habits so that if I do vomit, at least it will be fruits and vegetables instead of french fries and vinegar. I will take all of the necessary steps to rid myself of my fast food demons.

Goodbye Long John Silver's, Goodbye Whataburger, Goodbye Popeye's, Goodbye Wendy's......okay you get the idea.

For people who can't keep secrets to themselves....

2009-01-11T15:44:00.000-08:00

It seems that the concept of secrets has been a reoccuring theme in my life over the past few weeks.

Recently, I discovered a secret that I didn't have to worry about NOT accidentally exposing. Furthermore, this is a secret that I actually would like to share with everyone in my life because it has had a profound impact on my life this week and will continue to influence my daily thoughts and actions.

Well, to be quite literal.....the secret comes from a book titled.....are you ready for this?

"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne.

Quite simply, the secret is this: the Universe is based on the "Law of Attraction", a concept and teaching that has existed for centuries. The "Law of Attraction" principle states a person's feelings and thoughts attract everything they could possibly want or NOT want in their life. It seems kind of like a "duh" theory, but my experience as a reader was actually one of complete enlightenment.

I have always considered myself an optimist and positive thinker, but I realized that I have been missing an integral piece to my life puzzle. The belief that I can truly have everything I really want. I've been focused so much I what I DON'T want that I have continued to attract more of it and fallen into patterns and cycles that leave me hurt or confused about how these things came to be. But then my "Aha!" moment came as I read this book and it hit me---The more you focus on what you DON'T want or DON'T have, the more you will continue to receive the unwanted or continue to not have "it".

Anyway, this book and the theories, examples, methods, and testimonials have struck me to my core.

Some of my friends are giving me that "dude, this is so freakin' cheesy" or "talking about positive thinking is lame" look.....some of you may be doing that right now as you read this. But that's okay, I haven't joined a cult or anything and perhaps some of you have no need to learn strategies or ideas for making your life happier. But how could I possibly keep this a secret when I think it could alter so much about the way we see ourselves and our potential love, happiness, and success in life. I just have to share this information with you in the hopes that you will have an open mind to check it out for yourself and perhaps even be motivated to discuss your ideas with me because this is all I have really wanted to talk about lately.

Last year, Oprah hosted a show on the book and topic and here are some clips from that:

Flickr-iffic!

2009-01-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

This is the site where I have been posting most of my photos. GO there:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/armendazzle

Fake Family Photo

2008-12-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

Meet my new family. I acquired them in Lubbock, TX. They're nice. Well except for our daughter....who APPARENTLY does not like me. Oh, but she looooooooves Brian. I think it must be the beard. Maybe she has confused him with Santa.

Christmas in the Panhandle

2008-12-24T23:46:00.000-08:00

I've decided to chronicle my holiday adventures in my hometown of Lubbock, TX over the next few days. I think it will inspire me to have some good ol' creative fun like we had to growing up....plus it will provide those of you who did not have the "pleasure" of being raised in West Texas....a chance to envy me.

You know you wish you did this tonight:

Drive around the city looking for a bar that was open.
Pay $2 for a 40 oz mug of beer.
Watch FREE cable at your parents house.
Have lots of dudes with either cowboy hats or mullets stare you down.
Spot a very pregnant woman in a billiard's bar rubbing her belly while her baby daddy chugs a beer.

Consider this a practice night. Tomorrow's the real deal. My older brother will join us to complete the family circle, drive-in movie specials, and meeting up with friends!

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Top 5 Things I Wish I Was Doing Right Now.....

2008-12-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

1. sky-diving
2. decorating my new house
3. hanging out with my Lubbock friends
4. cuddling with someone
5. rolling around in $100 bills

Public Display of Emotion

2008-12-14T19:35:00.001-08:00

I feel like my heart is in my throat. And I REALLY don't want to choke on it.

Check-Out Line

2008-12-10T18:43:00.000-08:00

Two boxes of blonde hair dye

3 rolls of ground beef

5 white hooded sweatshirts

I was recently in line at the store and this is what the woman in front of me layed out on the counter.

For some reason, these shopping selections made my imagination run WILD. The possibilities seem endless and all equally entertaining. I wonder what people would think of me if they saw the kinds of the things I bought together. Oh, this makes me happy.

The "Lost" and LAST Ireland post!

2008-12-07T16:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I fear that I have waited way to long to post the last of my adventures in Ireland. But, here it is in all it's glory. My last day (which was last Thursday.....feels like a really long time ago.)

#21: Galway Bus Stop

I said goodbye to Meghan and Galway early Thursday afternoon and headed by bus to what would be my final destination of Sixmilebridge.....a small village that has the closest hostel to the Shannon Airport. It was difficult to say goodbye, but it made it easier that I was sleepy. :) And Meghan, I saw you get teary-eyed (even though she NEVER does). Oh, what a wonderful time with a wonderful friend! And now I set out on my own.....

#22: Limerick & King's Island

I changed buses in Limerick and had a few moments to catch some sights there. Most notably, I passed by King's Island, a small piece of land situated in the heart of Limerick which holds the 13th century King John's Castle and the 800 year old St. Mary's Cathedral. It's a beautiful view really. I feel like there have never been any other times in my life when I just PASSED a castle on my way somewhere. But that's exactly what Ireland is like. And while I am sad that I never actually got to venture inside of one, I am incredibly satisifed for having the experience of being in the near vicinity of several of them within a week.

#23: Sixmilebridge

Ahhhh....and here we are.....Sixmilebridge. I would venture to guess a population of about 300 people. It is an incredibly tiny village which is accessible by bus only three times a day. How lucky that I made it to the Limerick station JUST IN TIME to catch the second one of the day! You can literally walk this village in a matter of an hour or so. I spent about half of that time due to the cold and rainy weather, but I found it quite a quaint and interesting place. Everywhere you walk you notice signs and buildings that refer to "ducks". Read on the #24 for more information....

#24: Duck Park

On the way to the hostel, I passed by this duck park, not really paying much attention to it. I thought, "Oh yeah, ducks." But when I walked around the village I realized that these were special ducks somehow. There is a small Duck Inn that sits on a pond by one of the pubs made especially for these ducks. There is also a "Ducks Crossing" sign (which you can notice the in picture above.) At this park, there is a also a little row of houses for them. And when you look up Sixmilebridge on Wikipedia, it makes a point to highlight the significance of the ducks in this village. Never have I visited a place that so covets its bird population. I feel special now.

#25: Sixmilebridge Public Library

Ummm....when was the last time you went to the library and it looked like THIS? That's what I thought. I noticed this building calling out to me over the village and so I made my towards it, sure that I would discover it to be some ruins or a church. But instead, I found the village library. it was closed, naturally, as is almost everything in Ireland after 5pm, but I contemplated how much more often I would visit my local library if it was half this historically rich and beautiful.

#26: Jamaica Inn

What an odd name for a hostel in Ireland. Still, even more odd, I spent my first time in a hostel which was completely empty....except for the owner. The upside was that I payed for a shared room but enjoyed the benefits of NOT sharing it with anyone. The downside was that it was awfully lonely....especially for my last day in Ireland. So I took a shower and finished a book and passed out at what must've been 9pm. I was a bit disappointed to miss out on the social experience of staying in a hostel, but I guess in a village this small in November in Ireland, there's not too much business for Jamaica Inn. However, it was a special moment in my life because it was the first hostel I had ever stayed in and the last place I visited in Ireland....save the cab driver's front seat on the way to the airport.

And so, there you have it......my time in Ireland is over and done with. I made it to number 26 (oh man, just ooooooooone more to make my goal, but I feel proud for what I accomplished.) and had the time of my life with friendly faces and absolutely beautiful sightseeing. It was worth every hundreds of thousands of pennies I spent! And now I am back, catching up on phone calls and work, and making up for lost time with my dog.

And I'm already thinking about where I will travel next.....

"Twilight" Sucked.

2008-12-04T21:52:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Twilight on my trip to Ireland. The book was super and I couldn't WAIT to watch the movie when I got back to town.

And so I did tonight.

And it sucked so bad. At one point I even contemplated walking out....something I haven't done since I was like 14.

The movie made me feel.....like the way it feels when your friends do or say something really embarrassing out in public and you feel the immediate urge to pretend like you don't even know them...or know them that well. Yeah, it was like that. Besides the fact that the lead actor is overwhelmingly attractive, there is nothing else that makes this movie bearable. The screen adaptation is absolutely nothing like the book. In fact, I would've been completely lost if I hadn't already read the book and had a clue about author's intended meaning and purpose. The dialogue is awkward. The acting is horrible. The screen shots made me feel like I was watching a a made for TV Lifetime movie.

Perhaps I placed too high of an expectation on a teenage vampire love story. I was really hoping to leave with the same feeling of magic and lust as when I stayed up hours reading the novel. But instead, I just......left.

So there IS a song about me....

2008-11-30T23:21:00.000-08:00

My dear Swedish friends told me about this song and granted, I have NO IDEA what it's about....I do understand "Haj Monika". Haaaaaaaaj.

Last Day in Ireland....

2008-11-30T13:58:00.001-08:00

My last day in Ireland was actually Thursday. However, I had no internet to post my travels for a couple of days.

I'm officially back in Austin now, and as soon as I can muster up the energy, I will post the details.

What I will say right now is YAY for Ireland. :)

Goodbye Galway

2008-11-26T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today marks the end of my stay in Galway, so that I can spend tomorrow heading back towards Shannon Airport. Here are the rest of the sights of Galway!

#17: Galway Bay a.k.a. Corrib River

I started the day with a walk with Meghan along the Corrib River on the edge of Galway. The houses lining the bay and the flock of seagulls overhead paint a very coastal scene. It was cold and rainy this afternoon, so we didn't spend a whole lot of time along the bay, but it was a pretty sight nonetheless. I saw a lovely swan swimming solitary along the water. It looked at me and we connected for a moment.....strangely, I thought of my dog Jack whom I have missed very much on my trip.

#18: Spanish Arch

The Spanish Arch was built in 1584, built as a facet of the city's wall to protect the quays. What is a "quay"? Yeah, I had to look that up too. It is a bank where ships or other vessels are loaded. So essentially this Arch played a role in the protection of merchant ships as they unloaded and loaded materials during transport. It is thought to be called the Spanish Arch in reference to the area's merchant trade with Spain. It was originally called Ceann an Bhalla which means "Head of the Wall" (Gaelic, I assume.)

#19: Shop Street

This is a high pedestrian traffic area named appropriately for its multitude of shops lining narrow streets. It felt like I was at Disney World when you enter a country's area and there are these little mock stores and streets...with "authentic" music playing. I half expected to see some cartoon characters pop out of the street to greet passerbys and small children....except this is all very real. And it was awesome to walk by all the buildings---cafes, boutiques, pubs, bakeries, little pharmacies. I really enjoyed my time on Shop Street and bought a few treats for my friends and family!

#20: St. Patrick's Primary School for Boys

Okay, so technically I didn't bust in on the school and spy on a bunch of elementary kids, but I did stop by it to check out what their schools looked like and to have a picture to take back to my kiddos at Heart House. While we were out and about today, I actually saw kids of all ages roaming the streets in their school uniforms. And no one knows what "elementary" means here, they only respond to the phrase "primary". There are also many private schools here--for boys and girls separately. I wish I had had time to learn more about their education system, but at least I saw a school.

We came home in the early evening and stayed home for the rest of the night, ordering in Chinese and looking up pictures of baby animals. I'm not gonna lie. I'm tired. There's so much to see and do! Tomorrow I will be trekking on my own, saying goodbye to Meghan and the city of Galway. For my last day in Ireland, I have made plans to venture out to Bunratty Castle to see a collection of over 450 medieval furniture and artifacts...all housed in a castle of course! Then I head to a town called Sixmilebridge where I will experience staying in a hostel for the first time in my life. I'm excited for my last adventure, luggage in tow....and 50 euro left. :)

Tour Bus Tuesday

2008-11-25T17:22:00.000-08:00

This morning we boarded a special bus to give us a day tour of an area called the Burren and the Cliffs of Moher. These were some of the best sights I've seen of Ireland countryside yet, but at what cost? Incredible motion sickness all day! IT SUCKED. But nonetheless, I made it through the day and captured some incredibly beautiful landscape.

#11: Oceanside at the Burren

First of all, thanks to Chris (our crazy tour guide) for taking this photo of us. I will cherish the expression on my face forever. (It pretty much captures how I felt on the entire ride to and from the Cliffs.) Our first stop was about 10 minutes into the Burren at a small cliffside where rockclimbing and surfing are popular past-times.

#12: Dulin

We made a lunch stop in Dulin, a small village just outside of the Cliffs of Moher. It felt very much like a ghost town, with only a few shops open but all other stores and buildings vacant. We were told it is a popular summer vacation spot which is booming with visitors come May. We ate lunch at Fitzpatrick's Bar, where I had a vegetable soup.....which makes a later appearance in my story.

#13: Cliffs of Moher

How can I even begin to describe the wonder of this place? Quite simply, photos do not do it justice. To give you a little history:

"The Cliffs are 214m high at the highest point and range for 8 kilometres over the Atlantic Ocean on the western seaboard of County Clare. O'Brien's Tower stands proudly on a headland of the majestic Cliffs. From the Cliffs one can see the Aran Islands, Galway Bay, as well as The Twelve Pins, the Maum Turk Mountains in Connemara and Loop Head to the South." (I stole that from their website: http://www.cliffsofmoher.ie/TheCliffs.aspx)

Proof that we were actually here:

When you climb to the top of the cliffs you are met with an awe inspiring view of the Atlantic Ocean and the Cliffs towering high above the splashing waters. It's terribly cold and windy at the top as you can imagine (and here's a photo to help you imagine just that)

but you kind of forget all that when you take a look around you and realize what you can see. It's amaaaaaaazing.

#14: The Burren

Actually, our entire drive out to Cliffs of Moher was in an area called "The Burren" which is an expanse of rolling hills, rock fences, grazing animals and small villages. These are a few photos taken both entering the area and returning from the Cliffs back to Galway.

#15: Poulnabrone, Ancient Burial Ground

This burial ground marked by a large rock formation contains the remains of "between 16 and 22 adults and 6 juveniles, including a newborn baby". Further scientific invesigation of radiocarbon dating suggests that the burials took place 3800 and 3200 BC. "The neolithic community would have been much larger than this and there are easier ways to bury the dead, so Poulnabrone is generally considered to contain the remains of special dead and to have been a center for ceremony and symbolism." (http://www.burrenpage.com/Poulnabrone.html) We walked off the bus to capture some photos. I was also distracted by a herd of cows directly behind the property and felt compelled to give them a moment in the spotlight as well. And then I thought I was about to puke due to my motion sickness, but had no such luck, realizing it was bound to happen in the near future.......

#16: Dunguaire Castle

In an area of the Burren called Kinvara, sits this infamous Irish castle. It was built in the 1500s and as you can see, much of it still remains, unlike alot of other Irish castles, which lay in ruins or bits and pieces. Honestly, I have wanted nothing more than to see a castle since I arrived in Ireland. I had fanciful ideas of roaming the countryside snapping photos of all them. However, when my chance finally arrived and we pulled up to Dunguaire, my experience was tainted with the return of my vegetable soup. It was literally like this: "And this is Dungauire Castle.....Bleeggghhhh (over the side of the stone wall fence) Let's not discount the fact that I lasted almost the entire trip without vomitting and I did not do it on the bus (well technically I did throw up in my mouth a little first)....and at the end of the day I got my picture of a castle.

Unfortunately, because of my reaction to travelling by tour bus, I do not think I will be able to make another day tour---which sadly strikes out my much awaited tour to Connemara to see Kylemore Abbey. Tomorrow will most likely be a slow and easy day and I'll take in some more sights of the Galway area. I'm so excited to already be on number 16!

Monday's Adventures

2008-11-24T13:31:00.000-08:00

#5: Eyre Square

The square is the pinnacle of City Centre, the center area in Galway. Around the square area is where you will find tourist information, bus stops, the train station, pubs, clubs and shops. We take the bus to the square on a daily basis in order to get to most areas of interest. Also included at the square is this public restroom where you must pay to get in, and a statue of a man whom I have no idea of what importance he holds.....obviously some if there's a statue erected in honor of him in the center of Galway. But in my defense, there is no placard or description next to the statue so I could not educate myself on this matter.

#6: Galway Cathedral

While I did not go inside this church, I did feel compelled to take a picture of its beauty at night. I mean what constitutes a "visit"? Sometimes I visit places for only a few minutes. This happened to be one of those I came across on my way somewhere else. The cathedral in the early 1920s, but it does not rival St. Nicholas's Collegiate Church, which is the largest medieval parish church in Ireland still in use. And it's in Galway, so I plan to visit this place later this week....

#7: The Concourse @ Univeristy of Ireland, Galway

I tagged along with Meghan as she made her way to class at the university she attends. This is where I waited for her with a hot chocolate and the Vampire Chronicles in hand. Inside, is a cafe and a large seating area, where many students congregate. It made me realize just how long its been since I enjoyed the camaraderie of college peers. Ignorant and annoying, yes......but still so full of energy and enthusiasm.

#8: Public Restroom

This was my first journey into a public bathroom. Yes, I swear....the first time. Can you believe it? Anyway, it was rather confusing because I didn't know what their signage for restrooms looked like because there were all these signs of stick figures doing things, so after finally asking someone I was shown the way. And there you have it. Big blue door with a little lady on it.

#9: Centra

This is a common Irish convenience store where I stepped in to purchase a small bottle of wine. Nothing really interesting worth noting, other than cigarettes cost 7 euro which is like $9. I would totally stop smoking if I lived here.

#10: Bar 903

Determined to experience Galway nightlife, we ventured out to a local bar called Bar 903 in Eyre Square. It was one of the few clubs with FREE admission and it was swing night, so it was our top choice all around. Well, we definitely were not disappointed with the entertainment, both from the band and from the crowd. For this visit, I will be posting an extra blog very soon which include two very special videos featuring some of our favorite patrons from Bar 903. Also, here's a picture of me enjoying my 7 euro mixed drink (which is like $9). Yeah, I will not be buying any more drinks at the bar while I'm here. I'm so serious.

At this point I'm already at #10 (not 10 drinks, 10 sights...) and I know some of you may be thinking...."Hey where are all the pictures of green rolling hills, castles, cliffs, and magical landscapes?" I've been thinking the same thing, friends. To remedy this, tomorrow we take a day tour to Connemara where I will FINALLY get to visit a freakin' castle, along with many many other "breathtaking" sights. Oooohhh...betcha can't wait!!!

2008-11-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

#1: Tourist Agency

Our first stop of the morning was at a local tourist
travel agency, where we met a lovely lady named
Christina who told us about all the cool and hip
places in Ireland to hang out. She also confessed her love of country music and the irony of a girl from Texas hating it. She encouraged heavy drinking and confessed that she had been up late the night before (most likely doing that). She gave us some helpful pamphlets on some Ireland day tours. We even went back to see her, but she refused to take a picture with us because she thought she looked gross. I will be back to see her on Tuesday to take her a nice little gift and perhaps to see if she would like to hang out with two awesome American girls. Am I moving too fast?

#2: The Home Plate Cafe

We ate my birthday lunch at this quaint little cafe on Shop Street in Galway. I was craving a burger, but when I asked if they had mustard instead of mayonnaise, the waitress looked at me all confused......so I had pasta instead.

#3: TESCO & Penney's

Next we moved on to shopping for groceries, some winter accessories, and a hair dryer at a strip mall on the bus route back to Meghan's. We bought stuff. It was nice. Except they make you pay for grocery bags....even plastic ones.

#4: Headford Rd.

Okay, so on the way "home", our bus's last stop ended up being like a mile from Meghan's house. She didn't realize that they didn't drop off at her stop on Sundays. So we ended up walking back to her house in the rain. Our groceries bags broke open. It was unfortunate really, but we are survivors. And therefore, ended up visiting the Headford Rd for about a 15 minute walk.

It was a great first day out. And definitely an exceptional birthday in Ireland. Who knows what tomorrow brings.....hopefully more laughs and scenic routes.

27 places for 27 years....

2008-11-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

After finally getting some much needed sleep from a day of traveling, I have been wide awake making plans for my adventures in this beautiful country.

In honor of my 27th birthday, I have decided to make it my goal to visit 27 places during my stay here in Ireland. I am sincerely hoping to be able to accomplish this on my small budget, otherwise alot of the places I might be visiting will be random buildings along the street. :)

However, on my list so far are some mountains, castles, abbeys, and of course pubs. Wow, I'm really here!

Look out for some cool photos and stories starting tomorrow!

I'm so in Ireland right now....

2008-11-22T02:59:00.000-08:00

After about 18 hours of waiting in airports, flying on planes, and riding buses, I am finally in Galway with my best friend Meghan.

I am ecstatic to be here after what seems like months of planning and dreaming about it. However, I am only half awake right now, and need to take a serious nap.

Check back soon for more photos and updates from leprechaun land!

-Monica

Swedish Surprises!

2008-11-19T14:54:00.000-08:00

My lovely Swedish ladies are back! And if you're thinking "Back? Where were they? Actually, I don't even know who these Swedish ladies are!"...then let me tell you a little story.

Last month, I met two women from Sweden--Anna and Pia. We instantly fell in love and spent every day with each other for a week while they were visiting Austin. And I was heartbroken on the day they left to travel through the rest of the states. Literally....heartbroken. I'm pretty sure I cried.

I've kept in contact with them about their adventures, still solemn knowing that I probably wouldn't see them again for a REALLY long time (because, um....they live in Sweden and what not.)

Well last night I was having dinner with some friends and they walked through the door. Easily the most I have been surprised and the best surprise ever! Everyone kept the secret from me really well. :)

But I am just so unbelievably touched that Anna and Pia came back to Austin to spend time with me at my birthday party! Sometimes people just make you feel so warm and fuzzy inside and you feel so lucky to have them in your lives. Duuude....they freakin paid hundreds of dollars to fly back for me on my birthday. I can easily say that this is going to be the most memorable and exciting birthday I've had.

I hate cleaning....

2008-11-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

Of every chore I must do in life, cleaning is my least favorite.

Cleaning the tub,
Cleaning the sink,
Cleaning the toilet,
Cleaning the car,
Cleaning the ceiling fan,
Cleaning the floor,
Cleaning the dresser,
Cleaning up my clothes,
Cleaning clothes....also known as LAUNDRY....my worst enemy. I did two loads today and still have 8 more to go. Eight!

On a side note, I rather enjoy vacuuming, but I live in a house with wood floors, sooo.....

I would gladly pay someone for these services if I could afford it. Anyone who thinks that I am capable of doing these things well and on a regular basis is sadly mistaken. I have absolutely no desire to accomplish any of these chores on any given day.

I'm looking around thinking about how I promised myself I would do these things on Sunday. I even recruited a friend to help me and I'm STILL not motivated. Uhhhhhhhh......

One day, I know that I will find a man who will do all the chores around the house and I'll come home from work, dinner will be ready and waiting for me and he will be so excited to see me. And then I will wake up and realize, CRAP....that's never gonna happen.

Sifl and Olly Show

2008-11-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Does anyone remember this kickass show? It has made a comeback in my life recently thanks to You Tube and my friend John.

Umm, Chester is the coolest sock puppet EVER.

Here are some of my favorite clips:

"Chester Goes to the Roller Derby"

"Squirrels"

"Get the Bubbles, Chester!"

I can't stop laughing.

Rock Operas Totally Rock

2008-11-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

Here's my next project everyone:

I want to create a horror rock opera using classic horror film characters and plotlines. I want to juxtapose themes of violence and gore with pop melodies of love and sorrow.

Imagine the following scene (close your eyes, it might help):

The curtains open and you see two sets of people, one on stage right and one stage left. They approach each other "West Side Story" style, snapping their fingers and ooh and aahing at each other. Look closely. You'll notice that one group is a gang of everyone's favorite bad guys (Freddie, Chuckie, Leatherhead, etc.) and the other are their victims, bloodied and terrified.

However, they start singing at each other, circling each other, snapping and jumping in the air, doing lunges and turns....you know, awesome dance moves. The entire scene is focused on dance fighting. Like, Michael Jackson's "Bad" or "Beat It". In fact, maybe that's the background music.

The scene ends with the victims collapsing on the ground, while the bad guys are hunched over, predatory.

As the curtains close however, you see something unusual. The bad guys are crying. And you wonder why. (Trust me, you do.)

Well, if you stayed and watched the rest, you would discover the answers....because this is musical is about the relationship between victim and victimizer and the search for meaning and happiness.

So the next step for me is this:

I would like to recruit my creative development team who will help me write this play, compose the music, and stage it live in the Spring/early Summer. I'm just putting it out there. Feel free to express your interest or throw it right back at me. But know this......A Nightmare on Musical Street WILL happen next year. And it will be bloody spectacular.

Barackulous!

2008-11-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok, ok.....it has taken me several days to soak in the fact that we have a new President. I guess I had just come to terms about feeling depressingly apathetic, and often times embarrassed of our nation's leadership.

And then it happened.

Barack Obama won Tuesday night and just last night I felt something identifiably hopeful. All I know is this: I read this article yesterday from Germany quoting a leader there who said something along the lines of, "Everyone wants to be America right now".

Who wouldn't with a body like this?

Not only that, but he supports major need for education reform and teacher support. That's kind of what I do.

http://www.barackobama.com/issues/education/index.php#k-12

And he's funny:

[on being bi-racial] "During the holidays, it's like a mini United Nations. I've got relatives who look like Bernie Mac, and I've got relatives who look like Margaret Thatcher."

Oh you silly goose, Barack.

In conclusion, hoorah for a new President. I look forward to not be ridiculed for being American.

I Need Something Fun to Blog About...

2008-11-01T20:28:00.001-07:00

So I'm off to find something deliciously entertaining or enlightening for my readers. Not sure, when I will return. It may take me a few days to find something so freaking fantastic.

Check back soon.

Pop Quiz

2008-10-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

Humor me....

How well do you think you know me?
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/take-quiz.php?id=0810271945137697&a=1&

A More Introspective Perspective

2008-10-26T23:01:00.001-07:00

Now I know that most of my blog postings are often light-hearted, comedic, or entertaining in nature. But I thought.....hey, let's turn the lights down low this evening and share a heart to heart moment.

I have an incredibly introspective side to my personality, whose wheels are forever turning in my head no matter where I am or what I am doing. This is why it takes me at least 45 min-1 hour every night to fall asleep. Experiences, moments, thoughts.....are constantly orbiting my mind, bringing deeper or buried feelings to the surface, attempting to push insecurities and fears to the side, reliving cherished memories with loved ones. Late at night is when I find myself with a pen and paper (or in this case fingers and a keyboard) conjuring the poet within to express the emotions and thoughts I often keep tucked away during the day.

So here is something I wrote awhile back that I would like to share. It is about someone whom I ever hardly talk to or talk about with anyone anymore. However, I thought maybe we could both enjoy exposing what is beneath the band-aid. I mean, I do have to let it air out from time....

*************************************************************************************

To you, who
Will never read this,
(Eyes clouded over) , I can-
not show,
Cannot describe
The day of a few flowers on my car, fuzzy
Memory that comes shooting
Back into my frontal lobe
Holding, but not
Holding hands, but not
Holding regrets
In my gut, of all
Nonstories in my past,
The one I never wrote (obviously), would go like this--

To you, who
Will most definitely read this,
We should have never let our bodies
Intertwine like vines
Vines, thick and twisted
With ripe flesh
Unable to untangle, reaching
Ever upward, growing ever
(but never) together
We should have let our bodies, find other
Bodies

So now back to you, who
Will never read this,
And to me (who)
Of course wrote this,
out
of my
never-ending guilt,
Like being sick from too much chocolate-
Purging and wretching
The upset stomach filled with shouldhaves, couldhaves, and
(Most definitely)
Should not haves
I
(one single tear leaping from my eyelid)

This will be the last poem
I (will most likely) ever write,
To you, who
Will never read it.

--9/17/07

Thrill Austin Announcements, Video, and Pictures

2008-10-26T01:33:00.001-07:00

Um, go here: www.thrilltheworldaustin.com

You gotta check this out. We broke the world record!

Brains.

2008-10-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well today was the big day. "Thrill the World" has officially replaced Air Guitar Competition as my favorite fun time EVER.

So I can now excitedly announce that the most badass thing I have ever done is perform "Thriller" with 880 other zombies at one time, including a breast feeding zombie who may have scarred me for life. (I mean, my zombie life.) I'm pretty sure we broke the world record. We'll know tomorrow.

And speaking of exciting news, we will be marching and performing in the Dia de Los Muertos parade down South Congress and Downtown next Saturday (Nov. 1) from 6-7pm. I believe. I'll give you more details on that as soon as I can confirm.

I am so glad that a handful of my friends joined me in this monumental moment. And to all my undead friends, thank you for allowing me to ramble constantly about this event in my life. Sometimes I get a little out of control with it all, I know, but honestly.....BRAINS is just about the most entertaining word to me right now.

Check back for video and photos!

And I definitely just finished removing leaves and dirt from my hair. I was hell bent on looking like really just rolled out of the grave.

I'd like to leave you with some clever zombie jokes we made up this morning at 10am while waiting for others to arrive:

"Is your dad a theif, cause brains."

"Knock. Knock."
"Who's there?"
"BRAINS!"

"Is that a brain in your pants, or are you just excited to see me?"

Me take nap now.

This is Where You Are Going to Be Saturday.....

2008-10-24T10:18:00.001-07:00

"Thrill the World"
Oct. 25th @ 1pm
The Long Center for Performing Arts
Austin, TX

Tomorrow, join me and oh.....about 300-500 other people who will replace their usual personalities and attire for zombie ones for a special attempt to break some world records.

We will all be performing MJ's "Thriller" on the terrace steps of the Long Center because, well, we are badass.

And you can be too if you come and witness this monumental event.

I would suggest arriving by 12:30 because parking might be a biatch and you don't want to miss the show at all!

Join us afterwards at Baby A's for lunch!

OH OH....there are also two more dance classes this evening if you are cool enough to join us. We need all the brain eaters we can get! Go here for info: www.thrilltheworldaustin.com

BRAINS.

-Monica

Day 4: Thurs., Oct. 23rd

2008-10-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today was incredibly challenging.

I did experience one of my most pivotal "softer" moments today at work when 3 of my kids had their last day in my program. I was incredibly heartbroken about their leaving, worried about what was going to happen to them in the future as they experienced an ugly custody battle. My most tender, nurturing side prevailed today, even resulting in some private tears at my desk at the end of the day. I have never felt so much like a woman, a mother wanting desperately to provide love and protection, as I did today.

And then my social outing was with two of my best guy friends who proceeded to engage me in a conversation about balls. Granted they were the ones talking and I was simply listening, but I was an incredibly active listener ready to tell them all about the size of my private parts, until.....

I actually experienced THAT moment of drawing the line. Amazing. I have found some boundaries.

So my major reflection from today is the following: While I may lack some general feminine qualities like the ability to comfortably wear a dress, reserving my private thoughts, social grace and manners... I absolutely do not lack utmost care and concern for those in my life, a tenderness comparable to the best steak you ever ate, an ability to nurture with ease and care, and pleasure in connecting with others. And I draw the line at discussing what my lady parts look like.

So there. Take that "feminine experiment".

Day 3: Wed., Oct. 22nd

2008-10-22T22:26:00.001-07:00

Oh man, what a day. Of course, I was strong throughout the work day. Got off from work at 7:30 and went to meet up with a good friend.

Then we ran into a bum, who was quite friendly...so I bought him a beer. Not the most ladylike thing to do, but nice (in a messed up way) nonetheless. As I was handing him the beer he actually referred to me as a nice lady. Doesn't that count for something?

Then we headed to Hole in the Wall, where I basically sat in silence while my friend and this bum talked about all kinds of dirty things. It took all I had not to join in on the conversation and my friend John knew this. The bum remarked on how quiet I was and John shared all kinds of details about how I am usually not like this AT ALL but am trying to be softer. He went to speak of my usual filthy and raunchy nature......it is actually alot of what my relationship with John is built upon. A sharing of mutual understanding.

The bum (Marvin) remarked, "You can't hide who you are. Why you gonna sit there and try to sugar coat it when you got a good thing going?"

And so, now that I have spent several hours drinking in quiet, I have had some time to reflect on my experience today. Being a lady can be quite B-O-R-I-N-G.

You're right Marvin, maybe I do have a good thing going for me. And I can't hide who I am.

Sometimes it takes running into a bum 3 times and 2 pitchers of beer to shed some light on the situation.

I am contemplating whether or not this experiment is worth continuing.....

Day 2: Tues, Oct. 21st

2008-10-22T22:25:00.001-07:00

Success! Not one foul word, dirty phrase, or innuendo. Of course, I did go straight from work to home and stayed home all day, so there was not much temptation. But still, let's not minimize the effort it took nonetheless.

Social Experiment: Learning to be a Lady

2008-10-21T11:44:00.001-07:00

The other day I was pondering to myself if and how I could explore my "softer" side. By softer side, I mean encourage my more feminine qualities. And by feminine I mean characteristics of stereotypical females. Now there's no need to get into a debate here about what it actually means to be feminine. For the purposes of this experiment I am defining feminine straight up like this: "qualities and behaviors judged by a particular culture to be ideally associated with or especially appropriate to women and girls". (Got that from Wikipedia folks.)

This is a selfish experiment I have taken upon myself to simply explore the softer qualities I possess....and the rougher qualities I could tone down. I should make it clear that I don't intend to change anything about my natural and true personality. I merely wish to experience what it might be like to act more ladylike--carry myself with some censorship, tone down the vulgarity, resist conversations about bodily functions and sexual positions. Maybe even dress a little more feminine, be more flirtatious and less "buddy buddy". There is a small part of me that really wishes to be seen as a lady.......when instead I am usually perceived as "one of the guys".

So on this blog, I am going to chronicle my experiment.

Let's start with Day 1, shall we?

Day 1: Mon, Oct. 20th

I did incredibly well all day resisting any urge to use curse words or sexual innuendo. The daytime is easier to accomplish this because I work with kids, and it's not like I could discuss topics like taking dumps or fetishes with them. I mean, they take some mean and messy dumps, but still.....If you were ever to witness me in action at work you would observe my incredibly caring, nurturing side. This is a side of myself which I have always felt to be most indicative of any femaleness. Miss Monica, the teacher, the caregiver, the listener, the "I can console any crying kid", the "let's learn about dinosaurs!" woman. So up until 8pm, I was golden.

And then I got on the phone with one of my most vulgar and inappropriate friends. And within 5 minutes of conversation, I caught myself in the middle of a discussion about putting things up the butt. And then I said some dirty words. And then when I realized what I had done, I cussed. He laughed at me of course, but he knows that he encourages that side of me.....and so I nicely asked him to encourage my attempt to be more ladylike (and he still laughed, but agreed.)

So then I went out to Lucky Lounge, dressed up very sexy (I took special time to pick out something) and hung out with a bunch of my guy friends. They all complemented me on how nice I looked (you know, when they say it like that because they are not used to seeing it), and a couple of them I caught staring at my boobs. And then this homeless man walks up to me and gives me a weed (which he called a "flower")....and I quietly thought to myself.....I think this long stemmed bushy weed is going to be a foreshadowing of things to come....

I suppose my first day didn't turn out as I had wished, although there were some successful moments when I caught myself saying no to joining in on conversations about nasty things. It was incredibly difficult, but I did it. On the other hand, that phone conversation kind of screwed things up in the grand scheme of things.

We'll see what Day 2 holds...

Things People Have Said to Me (or about me) Recently...

2008-10-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

"It's nice to finally put a face with your....lawn."
"You're such a sensitive psychic."
"We need to hang out more. You're so....interesting."
"She farts alot."
"What's up with you and Swedish chicks?"
"You're the coolest rocker chick I've ever met a show!" (a mother of my friend)
"You're crude, but not rude."
"We must be hanging out tonight because we've been taking alot of dumps recently."
"Ms. Monica, why did you change your hair?" (one of my students)
"How tall are you not?"
"Gross, yet poignant. I think that's pretty much you in a nutshell."

Wendy's is Full of Itself

2008-10-17T11:23:00.001-07:00

Today, I visited Wendy's for the first time in months. I ordered my meal and drove up to the window. You know that first window where they are eager for you to pay them and then look all agitated you are looking for perfect change.

Then the second window where they are already sticking your sack of food out of the window before you've even driven up. The lady was rushing so fast to get it to me that she basically threw ketchup packets at my face.

And then, the kicker.

She says, "See you tomorrow!"

And I was busy trying to get myself situated since I had just been ushered out of the drive-thru that I didn't absorb this comment until I was turning out of the lot.

How can you be so confident that I will see you again tomorrow? At Wendy's?

Puhlease. I can't eat that crap every day. I need to spread my love equally--Whataburger, Sonic, Popeye's, Taco Cabana.

I can't believe that you are SO SURE Wendy's lady, that I will come back tomorrow. What if I don't? How many people do actually come back every day?

Maybe if you didn't rush me out of the drive-thru like a one-night stand, I'd want to stick around.

-Monica

What's Up With THAT?

2008-10-15T21:57:00.001-07:00

Here are some general questions I have for you all...things that I just don't get, or that frustrate or entertain me:

What's up with clowns?

What's up with people who ask you if they look ugly or fat?

What's up with mustaches? I mean, what kind of nasty crap would you find in one?

What's up with people who are chipper at the butt crack of dawn? Don't they know how annoying they are?

What's up with exercise? For losers.

What's up with hunting dove?

What's up with people who think they are super badass because of the car they drive? I'm sorry but unless you drive that huge tank of a truck because you haul stuff all day, then you are simply wasting space and money. Oh....and you're dumb.

What's up with covers at 21 and up bars? Don't I get a break now that I am 27?

What's up with running into the guy you lost your virginity to at YOUR freaking bar??? Leave now.

What's up with romance novels brainwashing my mind?? I mean, I'm totally into....but most likely because I am addicted.

You all have any unanswered questions you'd like to poster. Please.....let's talk about these issues.

I Found Red Rubies in my Treasure Chest

2008-10-12T23:24:00.000-07:00

So almost every day, I learn something new. Very rarely, is it such a gem as this. In researching the organizations that are sponsoring Thrill the World Austin, I looked up "Flash Mob Austin".

And my life will never be the same.

www.flashmobaustin.com

In a nutshell, they are an organized group that recruits pranksters to carry out random missions across the city such as "Operation Pillow Fight" and "Uber Famous".

Operation Pillow Fiiiiight from Flash Mob Austin on Vimeo.

Not only that but Flash Mob Austin is only one of many many other groups across the country who do this.

I thought that something like this only existed in my head. It's like finding a treasure chest filled with gold (aka, learning the Thriller dance) and then digging to the bottom to find it lined with bright red rubies (aka Flash Mob Austin). Stick with my metaphor here. I'm trying to make it sound like the coolest treasure you ever found. Imagine it. That's what I mean.

Thriller and Swedish Chicks

2008-10-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

First of all, today I learned the entire "Thriller" dance. Oh sweet God above, thank you for making Michael Jackson. And thank you to whomever decided dancing zombies would make a great music video.

And if you're wondering why I took on this great feat, go here: http://www.thrilltheworldaustin.com/

I am taking part in "Thrill the World", the largest organized attempt to break a Guiness Book of World Records for having the most people do the Thriller dance on the same day and time around the globe. Yes. You heard me right.

Today as I was laying on the dance floor with about 40 other people, pop zombies waking to life, I realized two great things:

1. This is probably the coolest skill I now possess.
2. How many times can I incorporate this skill into social situations?

If you follow the link above, you can find postings for more FREE upcoming dance workshops before the big event. Do it.

And watch this video if you haven't already.

And on a complete tangent, I met two rad Swedish ladies tonight. They witnessed keg stands for the first time in their lives. Look at what Americans teach foreigners. But all drinking aside, I look forward to adventures with them this week. And I am making them teach me as many inappropriate phrases as possible. Of course.

What the Psychic Said...

2008-10-11T15:45:00.000-07:00

1.) I am highly intuitive and should really stop ignoring my gut.
2.) There has been alot of "disappointment" in my life.
3.) I march to the beat of my own drum.
4.) I will meet a potential soulmate in 3-6 months or sooner and it might scare me but I need to be open to it and trust my instincts.
5.) I struggle with intimacy. Without fully knowing it, I can do things to sabotage a relationship with someone.

This is alot of stuff to process. And I am taking a chance by revealing all of this to you, readers. But I have recently discovered excitement in vulnerability.....because displaying vulnerability is an act of courage and taking risks, something that I have shied away from in my personal life for fear of rejection. Those of you who know me, know that I have no qualms about displaying myself in public as an entertainer or at work as a teacher. But when it comes to relationships, I don't put myself out there. I'm a big fan of "secret" love. But that's not going to get me anywhere. So lately I have been just putting myself out there, and yes it has been challenging and yes, there has been some rejection....but a huge victory for me to start moving past my wall.

The psychic (Charlotte) is an awesome lady. Contact me if you want to make an appointment to see her. She even records it all and gives you a free tape afterward so you can listen to it all over again in the privacy of your car or home.

So thanks Charlotte. You've enlightened me today.

You Can Always Count On Karaoke....

2008-10-11T01:24:00.000-07:00

Things you can always count karaoke to do:

1.) Makes you feel embarassed for that guy who chose a song he doesn't even know the words to and yet insists on singing. Oh yeah, and the song is like 6 minutes long.

2.) Helps you make friends with other karaoke goers, knowing that you are growing a strong army for the future. And takes a load off of your other friends who are "not into that". That being karaoke, the funnest thing to do ever. And now you don't have to call them and try to convince them to come anymore because you have a posse.

3.) Reminds you of old forgotten favorites as you belt along to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" or "I've Had the Time of My Life".

4.) Starts a dance party. Now exactly what kind of dancing is going on is a little confusing. But it's a beautiful mixture of swaying, thrashing, humping, and 2-stepping all at once.

5.) Causes alot of people to drink. Alot. And the performers and songs get better. Or is it that the beer and whisky just get better?

6.) Makes it perfectly acceptable for you to sing loudly in other peoples' faces. Some you know, many whom you do not. And personally, singing loudly in peoples' faces makes me happy. Takes a load off.

7.) Um, then you lose your voice.

And when all of these things happen (because you know you can count on them happening) you know, you know my friends......

That karaoke is perhaps one of the best entertainment activities ever created.

EVER.

And you can always count on the next blog post which will feature highlights from my psychic counseling session I am attending this afternoon. Ooooooo, aren't you just dying to know???? I am....

Don't Eat This

2008-10-10T09:45:00.001-07:00

It will make you crazy. It will make people think you are crazy. It will make you want to eat another one and another one. It will give you abundant amounts of energy when you need it the least. It will possibly give you a headache. It may or may not cause sudden bursts of insanity.

There is a box of these on top of my workroom fridge. I ate one yesterday.

I'm so screwed.

I'm Baaaaack!

2008-10-10T09:41:00.001-07:00

Yay, my blog has been removed from lock down. It's clean. It passed the test.

So obviously, we missed out on some good posting opportunities. That neat little blog week preview I made holds absolutely no merit anymore. But we will start over my friends. Bigger and better, and more outrageous and ridiculous.

Thank you all for returning to my blog.

Thank you if you are checking it out for the first time and have no clue what I am talking about.

Let's move on shall, we?

Nice to know you. Let's blog and pretend we didn't.

-Monica

Weekly Schedule

2008-10-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

As a small teaser for potential and new readers, you can look forward to these posting all week long!

Sunday: Monica's Attempt at Astrological Forecasting
Monday: Music Video Monday
Tuesday: What I Learned from TV Today
Wednesday: Word Vomit Wednesday
Thursday: Mystery Blog!
Friday: Funny Shtuff Friday
Saturday: What the Psychic Said

Come and back and chickity check it out!

Blog This!

2008-10-02T21:12:00.001-07:00

Bloggety, blog, blog.

You can blog with this or you can blog with that. You can blog with this, cause this is where it's at.

I have way too many thoughts to keep them all to myself. So welcome to the place where you can learn all about what's going on in this busy brain of mine.

It usually includes thoughts of adventure, some sort of greasy food, grandeur dreams of love and relationships, and reflections of raunch and naughtiness.

So buckle up dudes. Click it or ticket in my wonderful world of blogging called "Armendazzle".

-Monica